At the same time, I try my best to be real in this space. I started this blog because I wanted to say things that I felt I couldn't say in my day to day life. I wanted to be honest instead of smiling while assuring people that everything is just fine. Because sometimes, things are not fine. Sometimes things are difficult. It may not compare to the toughest stuff out there, it can still be tough. Life can be tough for anyone at any moment. To paint a picture that shows otherwise is false.
There are choices in blogging. You choose how far you let others in, how honest you are, what light you paint yourself in. The words I share and withhold create the version of me that you all know. I could easily leave out those moments where I'm faltering. I could share only my strongest times, present myself steadfast in my strength. But that isn't who I am, and it is never who I want to be in this space. This is my space, the one corner of the world I let myself be whole. The place where I don't hide parts of myself. A place where parents in similar situations can find common ground, shared joys and struggles, I don't want to cheapen that by being less than honest about how it wears on me. It does wear on me. It wears on all of us at times.
So, no matter how difficult I find it to hit that publish button when it feels like I am being an ungrateful prick, I will do it. I will show you my weaknesses, because all of you have shared your hearts with me, and I can do no less than return the honor.