Sunday, October 21, 2007

Now with actual content!

I've been a photographic mood lately, so forgive the lack of written word. Seeing as though we are on the cusp of KayTar's big test, I felt it would be proper is I had a post with, you know, words and such.

Last night I had the BEST night out with a few amazing bloggy friends. (Yes Flavia, I put you on BLOGGY on purpose, perhaps as motivation to do so.) We had good conversation, good laughs, good food, good alcohol, and good was a perfect evening. I left the house about 6:30 and didn't roll into my driveway until after 1am. It was a beautiful thing.

Julie, Me, Jenny, Flavia. I'm pretty sure she has a real name, but we pretend like she doesn't. ;)

Tomorrow, well, tomorrow is Test Day. El dia de LP. Spinal Tap the Sequel. Lizzle to the Pizzle Dizzle. Tomorrow morning we go to the hospital for another needle in the sweet girl's spine. Sigh. The first time we went through this, I was on the verge of tears all morning. I was sincerely hoping the doctors would treat it as business as usual, thus proving my fears to be irrational, but instead a counselor came in to make sure I knew what was going to happen, ask if I had questions, tell me I could stand outside if I was uncomfortable watching (who cares if I was uncomfortable? I wasn't the one with the needle going into my spine! The least I could do was stand by her). The counselor even offered to come in the room with us while the procedure was being done. I sat there willing her to stop talking, because I needed only the facts. I needed to know this was done all the time and it was absolutely nothing to worry about. I needed to know it was so commonplace that no one would even think I was concerned about it. That wasn't the case and I spent the whole morning leading up to it swallowing back my tears. KayTar slept in that morning and I remember sitting next to her on the bed, stroking her little leg and saying "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm so so sorry." In the end, it went well. The sedation definitely did the trick and while she was not unconscious, she wasn't exactly lucid. She groaned loudly when they put the needle in (it does take some force to get it in there, unfortunately), but otherwise she handled it well. Once she regained full consciousness, she even said, "Bye doctor! Thanks!" which filled my throat with tears all over again.

All in all, it went as easily as could be expecting and I think that having labs drawn is more traumatic for her. With that knowledge I can look to tomorrow and feel much less apprehension than I did the previous time. The first round of testing is always the worst. It was that way for labs, IVs, sedations, MRIs, CTs, ABRs, and of course, LPs. You never know what to expect or how your child will handle it and the fear of the unknown is almost too much to bear. Once you've been through it, the second time seems much less daunting. That said, I'm not exactly looking forward to tomorrow. I hate that she has to go through something scary and uncomfortable. It never feels right to stand by while someone puts a needle into your baby, even if you know it is necessary. It hurts your heart as much as it hurts your child's body. But this might be it. Tomorrow they will have their second sample of CSF. It will be shipped to Dr. FancyPants DRD-Expert for the testing and we should have results in roughly two days. By the end of next week, we could know. We could have an answer. So today, I sit here filled with equal parts of sadness and hope. Sadness that she has to go through this test again, but hope for what it might mean for our sweet KayTar.

Yes, yesterday was a beautiful sunny day and we were able to enjoy it. It was a gift.


Anonymous said...

I'll be thinking of you and your sweet girl tomorrow. You and your amazing strength and attitude just knock my socks off.

S said...

OK, so first of all, could I be any more JEALOUS of you hanging with such cool bloggers (and Flavia, I'm including you in that group, too)? I think not.

Second, I will be thinking about you all day tomorrow and hoping that the test is as painless as possible for KayTar. And that the tap reveals some important and useful truths.

Junie's Blog said...

What a fun night! You totally deserve it!

Good luck tomorrow! It amazing to think this could be the beginning of the end!

motherbumper said...

We will be thinking of you both all day tomorrow.

And holy heck it looked like a good night - talked each others ears off I bet (that's what it is like whenever we get together up here).

ewe are here said...

OOooh! Bloggy friends! And you got to meet Julie! Glad you had such a great time!

I really hope KayTar's test goes well tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

natalie said...

That sweet face always melts my heart. I'll be praying for calm and peace tonight for you (and lots of sleep so you'll be rested tomorrow) and complete comfort for KayTar tomorrow.

Janet said...

Your Blogger's Night Out sounds like just the perfect distraction. Why don't any other bloggers live in my town? Or maybe they do and they just don't want to have dinner with me ... nah, that can't be right.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping all goes well.

Also, Lizzle to the Pizzle Dizzle? Still smiling over here.

Julie Pippert said...

Outside of Toronto or DC I happen to live in one of the greatest blogging meccas. Or in a mecca of great blogging people. Whatever, it's great people and Jenny, Kyla, Flavia and I had great fun.

Kyla, so thinking of you and KayTar tomorrow. I will be down there near you myself.

Hang in there (as you do), take care, and we're here caring. :)

flutter said...

Oooooo!! Look at all that gorgeous, all in one place!

I will be thinking and praying and holding your hand in spirit all during the Lizzle to the Pizzle Dizzle. (you so crack me up)

Girlplustwo said...

you and Jenny again. sigh. love it.

i'll be thinking of you tomorrow...absolutely. one step closer.

crazymumma said...

What a brave child she is. May tomorrows tests bring you all the answers.

moplans said...

Oh Kyla I have big big big hopes for you all.

Not sure if you will find this interesting or helpful but at first when it was suspected Julia might have a metabolic disorder the NICU wanted to do an LP for similar reasons. Now the doctors at this hospital had just fked up my epidural and left me with a CRAZY headache so I was told that in babies it is really nothing, they do it all the time etc etc. Then the Doctor (stupid resident) comes, I tell her I am worried and she tells me not to worry that it is just like an epidural. Julia's nurse just about died laughing.
Anyhoo after she picked up some bug at the children's hospital they wanted another one to do a "full septic workup" and the kid didn't even cry when they did it. Then we changed her diaper and she flipped out. That sorta gave me perspective on the LPs, blood drawing etc. because having her diaper changed always bothered her more.

I know it is hell and I know the psychic scars are so much worse for the mamas. I am glad you had a good night out to get your nerves ready.

Aliki2006 said...

I will be thinking about you. Hard. And I will be on the edge of my seat, waiting for the results.

Anonymous said...

I will be virtually holding your hand, and saying a few words to whomeverIbelievein tomorrow. Best wishes Kyla.

Kristin said...

It's tomorrow?!?! Somehow I did not realize it was so soon.

Big hugs and prayers for you and KayTar.

Your "who cares if I'm uncomfortable" totally rung true with me. I have soooo been there... And I'm glad YOU'RE there for KayTar too.

Can't wait to hear in 2 days...or whatever.

~aj~ said...

I'll be thinking of you guys tomorrow. It's such a big/exciting day, but I know it won't necessarily be an easy one.

And again, I'm so glad you got to have an awesome girls night out. It was just what the doctor ordered, huh!

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you today and wishing you luck and a relatively easy day.

Oh and we have to do the girls night out again.


PS. Stole that picture for Mama Drama today.

Chaotic Joy said...

I'll be praying for you guys tomorrow. And what a sweet picture of Kaytar. And she doesn't seem to be squinting. Perfect. :)

Run ANC said...

Missed this yesterday so I am sending you good vibes today - the Big Day. Hope you get all the answers you need. I'll be back to see how it all went down.

Mimi said...

I'm thinking of you guys today. Best of luck.

Amy said...

Thinking of your sweet Kaytar!

I am hoping you will finally get the answer you have been searching for, for so long.

And YAY again on the girls night out. They are soooo therauptic!

mamatulip said...

Thinking of you...hoping all goes well.

Christine said...

i am so keeping crossed fingers here. i really hope it all went smoothly.

and answers. wow.


Sarah said...

It must have been nice to have a girls night out, let your head clear! I haven't been able to do that in......I don't even remember!!!

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh your poor, sweet girl. ((HUGS))

(I'm so jealous about the bloggy night though. Insanely jealous.)