Thursday, February 28, 2008

Well-child. Snort.

KayTar brought home a (feverish, snotty) souvenir from her well-child visit on Monday. Well-child visit. I think the name alone is enough to bring on the jinx.

We almost made it through February healthy. The shortest month of the year and we can't get through it with out spiking at least ONE fever. Sounds about right.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Studying with a 5 year old

Me (studying aloud):

Diaphysis, bone shaft.

Diaphysis, bone shaft.

Diaphysis, bone shaft.

(overhearing me, totally deadpan):

What about DIA-rrhea?

Ahhh, victory.

Last week, I studied my rear off in preparation for my Anatomy and Physiology lecture exam. I mean, I studied HARD. I ended up with a terribly sore neck and a really painful case of writer's cramp as well. I spent between 8 and 10 hours at the table that day studying. I wrote out 20 pages of notes front and back. I wrote out note cards. I tested myself over concepts and terms. I studied. And studied. The next day (test day) I had to spend the entire day at the hospital with KayTar for our specialist round up and spent a good portion of our time there memorizing my cards. The test was 100 questions and I flew through it. I knew the answers before even looking at the multiple choice options. I was in and out in 30 minutes and I knew I did well. The teacher's jaw dropped when I turned it in, and apparently after I left, he told the class, "Man! That girl just smoked through my test!"

But yesterday, when I looked up my grade online, it said I had an 86. 86?! No way. There was no way. I was shocked and fairly disappointed. I knew that material backwards and forwards and I shouldn't have made a B. I decided to talk to the teacher about it, because honestly, I was confident that I had done better than that. I'm really not that annoying student who ALWAYS thinks she's fact, I largely keep my mouth shut in class...but this time, I really did think I was right. Sob, sob, wah, wah. I know. It was only a B. I'm ridiculous, but I knew I had a good grasp of the material, a better grasp than a B shows. When I got to class, I found out my grade was the second highest in the class. The professor offered to go over it with us in class because there were so many low grades (we're talking in the teens). In going over it, we discovered several errors in the grading key and I walked out of class with a 100 on that exam rather than an 86. Niiiiiice. And THAT was more like the grade I was expecting.

The moral of the story is there is nothing more satisfying than being right, except when being right also comes with a perfect score on a difficult exam.

There is a KayTar round up coming soon. Last week we saw genetics and neurology, Monday we saw the pediatrician, and tomorrow we see ophthalmology again (her left eye is drifting inwards). We're squeezing every drop we can out of this insurance before it is gone.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Little Boy Blue

My Best Shot Monday.

Coincidentally, BubTar, Josh, and my dad all wore the exact same shade of blue dress shirt to KayTar's birthday party. Do you think they called each other ahead of time to arrange it?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Big Party

One more birthday post and then, I'm done. Promise.

Last night was her big party, the one with extended family and cousins, and we had it at Chuck E. Cheese. It was a MAD HOUSE. Wow. We've done these parties many times before, it is always where BubTar wants his party, but last night was just not smooth sailing at all. KayTar had a blast though. She had grandparents at her beck and call, cousins to scream with, and ice cream and pizza to eat. From her point of view, it was a success. From mine? Well, let's just say my friends and I went out for drinks afterwards in lieu of coffee. And we ended up getting passes for free pizza, drinks, and tokens from the manager because of how poorly it was organized (on their end).

And then, as we were leaving, I kissed KayTar on the cheek and realized HER HEARING AID WAS GONE! Bye bye $2000! I freaked out. Josh was in front of me, leaving the building, and I called him but he didn't hear me. I went to find my mom and dad to ask them if they might have taken it off and put it in their pocket, they said no. I asked my sister the same thing. Nope. Then I really panicked. I talked to the manager and she notified their workers to look for it. My mom and dad retraced their steps. The kids crawled under tables to look for it. I went to tell Josh to wait for us. He was waiting in the front and I exclaimed with much feeling, I'm sure, "Oh my God, her hearing aid is GONE!" And he said, ever so calmly, "Nah, it is right here in my pocket." And then we called off the search party, but only after having what felt like several small heart attacks in a row. We also have a newly created Ifyoutakethehearingaidoffinpublicnotifytheotherparentimmediately rule to prevent future heart attacks.

When we got to the party, she said, "I find em! I find em-a party hats!"

The ice cream "cake".

Upon opening her clothes, she exclaimed, "Ooooh! Laundry! Fanks!" She cracks me up. She also received a stuffed unicorn, which she calls a "pony wif a party hat! Nnnneigh! Happy birthday!"

She had a blast, which really was the most important thing. And now all this birthday hoopla can be laid to rest. Look at that big three year old girl!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Friday, February 22, 2008

Hooray for birthdays!

My poor sweet THREE YEAR OLD woke up this morning and was sorely disappointed to find that this so-called birthday did NOT include party hats. In fact, her brother wasn't even home, what is THAT about? School on her very special day? This cannot be correct. It is a national holiday!

In fact, we had this conversation several times before she dissolved into the most pitiful sort weeping I have ever seen.

Her: BubTar is??

Me: BubTar is at school.

Her: No...BubTar is???

Me: At school. BubTar is at school.

Her: No! BubTar is????

And so forth.

For the hat dilemma, I googled "printable crowns" and we made due with this hat. Hooray for Google!

She was not a fan of the flash today, as you can tell from the face.

At one point, she hugged that silly little crown and said, "Oh, wittle fewwa, I love you hat. I so glad you here." Adorable.

We went to pick BubTar up from school and stopped by the toy store to let her choose her own toy in an attempt to salvage her poor disappointing morning, and because all she is getting from us this year is boring old clothes. We spent a good hour wandering around before she settled on one of those cheap balls from the big bins. A blue one. We happily marched towards the check out where she saw the courtesy phone. She WANTED the courtesy phone. BADLY. She went boneless and sobbed on the floor while I paid for her ball. Then she flailed and shrieked as we went to the car. It was so special and fun (except that it wasn't)!

The reason my poor child woke up to such a disappointing morning is that I have been entirely swamped for a couple days now. I spent all day and all night (minus eating and such) Wednesday studying. I did no chores. I did nothing, really, outside of studying. I had a wicked case of writer's cramp because unfortunately for my arm, I retain information best when I make myself write things out. I think I wrote 20 pages out front and back, along with accompanying note cards. Then Thursday we woke up and went to the hospital for KayTar's genetics and neurology appointments. We were there for 6 hours (thank God for the note cards, because I was able to study on the go!). I got home just in time to honk the horn for Josh to come retrieve KayTar from her car seat and rush to school for my exam. (oh, I so nailed it. NAILED IT!) Then I got home, tossed in a load of clothes so we all wouldn't be sans-clothing today and tried to relax. Unfortunately, although I've been very, very busy, life hasn't stopped. What is up with that? Everyone keeps right on dirtying clothes and living in the house and so forth and now I'm way behind. So my wee girlie woke up and was clearly disenchanted with the lack of birthday-esque hoopla. She's never had a birthday that she understood, and I didn't expect it and even if I had, well, the time just wasn't there. In any case, she had expectations that I clearly failed to meet. So I worked my rear off this afternoon to get a few things out of the way so that after nap time, she'll wake up to something a bit more exciting. Nothing major, we'll just have pizza (one of the foods she gets excited about, generally) for dinner and we'll let her open gifts from us. Tomorrow is her actual party (thankfully not at our house, because I surely don't need extra bodies to clean up after) and I daresay it is sure to be a hit this year. What a difference a year makes.

Oh, and my Bloglines is faithfully reminding me of just how LITTLE blog reading I've been doing lately. I'll be visiting sometime this weekend for sure. I'm still drowning in the to-do lists around here and so until I square a bit of that away, I've no time for reading. Responsibility. Bah.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Tomorrow at 4:56am,

This beautiful newborn baby...

This slumpy little one year old, who couldn't sit on her own yet...

This sweet two year old, who wasn't quite walking or talking yet...

Will be a big, beautiful three year old, who can sit and stand and walk and talk and read and undress and laugh and play and dance and twirl and do so much more than we ever thought she might.

Happy birthday, love!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Whatever gets you through today

I called the insurance board yesterday and spoke with someone.

I said, "My daughter's policy is being canceled and she is being denied for private insurance coverage."

She said, "So she has a pre-existing condition then?"

I said, "Yes, I suppose. Something like that."

She said, "Well, you can call the high risk pool--"

"We already did that. My husband's employer offers group coverage, but it is way out of the price range we can afford. They said even so, she couldn't be in the high risk pool."

"Oh, yes. That is correct. If you have group coverage available, they won't cover you."

"Do I have any other options to pursue?"


"Okay. I guess that's it then."


And then I hung up the phone, my eyes welling up with tears and my heart clenching in my chest.

I thought, I hoped, that somehow this would be the point of solution, that I would call and find I'd have misunderstood something along the way or that they would have a solution I hadn't heard of just waiting for me. It felt like the last unturned stone and once I lifted it, I would find what I have been searching for. Now there are no more stones to be turned. No answers just waiting to be found, we only have decisions waiting to be made. Decisions we'd rather not make. Pay cuts, second jobs, night jobs. If we choose the pay cut, Josh will technically be capped out at work. He will be unable to receive choice. That just makes me feel sick. A second job or a night job likely will not offer benefits, but it would help finance Josh's crappy work insurance. Josh's work insurance costs almost three times as much as the pay cut amount would be and the benefits are not early as comprehensive as SCHIP. A pay cut could financially handicap us...because if it makes things too tight, how can we rectify that? The alternative is that I could work nights on the nights I'm not in school or Josh could get a second job. The sacrifices there are sleep and Josh seeing the kids when they are actually awake. I don't know, really, what we'll do. There are no good choices to be made, but there are still choices to be made nonetheless.

Alright, enough of that. I have to go study for a 5 chapter A&P exam that we scarcely covered in class. He went over two entire chapters in one class period (last night) because he was in a hurry to get out the door to go hear Obama speak. As much as I like Obama and I would have wanted to get out of there, too, I wish he would have just pushed the test back one day and given the material the attention it needed. I feel totally unprepared. I could have skipped class last night and read my text and learned more than I did last night. So, I have two chapters to teach myself today and three more to review for the exam. Plus, KayTar woke up two hours early this morning, effectively eating up all the time I would have had to quietly work today until it is quiet once again at nap time. It is going to be FUN trying to study with a wide awake (and very cranky) two year old! And I won't have study time tomorrow because I have to take KayTar to the geneticist and that eats up roughly 6 hours or so. You WANT to be me right now, don't you? I know, I know. Try not to be jealous, though. ;)

PS: When you can't think of a title, just use the name of the song that happens to be playing when you hit publish. Handy!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

[insert title here]

It is WEIRD not blogging for two days. I think NaBloPoMo reset my brain somehow and now I post every day or at least every other day...but skipping two days felt odd. To be honest, I wrote yesterday, I just didn't post it. It was all kinds of melancholy and I just didn't have the energy to hit post.

I sit down to write and I think about insurance, because, really, I'm thinking about it all the time. I watched John Q this weekend (good decision, right?) and I found myself talking to the TV (good sign, right?), because believe it or not there are MORE uninsured people now than there were when it was made. Hilary was in the news clips they showed, way ahead of her time. It was a little trippy. When I saw it in 2002, still pregnant with BubTar, I'm sure I never imagined a future in which we'd be part of those statistics. Strange. The subject seems to be a sort of mental block for me, creating an inability to write about much else. Insurance, blah, blah, terrible, blah. Head. Exploding. Repeat.

Since that is out of the way, let's move on.

In the past week, KayTar has learned to take off her shirt and pants! When we had the Big Eval, the only thing she could take off was socks and shoes, but in just a few weeks she has learned to undress! She also learned how to put pants on all by herself, too! She's only put them on once, but I was TOTALLY shocked! I think shirts will take longer because she is terrified of putting shirts on. She screams until her head finally pops out of the hole, so it isn't really the kind of task she looks forward to doing. She seems to be finally, finally hitting that stage of "do it all byself", which can be a pain, I know...but for her it marks real growth and it is exciting. And OH! last night she stepped up a tiny step on her own! The step was maybe 1.5 inches off the ground, but she did it all by herself without holding on or even asking for help. That is a first! An inch and a half doesn't seem like much, but she's never done that before, so that 1.5 inches might as well have been a mountain to her. We're seeing a lot of exciting new things.

As far as eating goes....sigh. You get what you ask for sometimes. I think our exact plea was "Eat something! Anything!" And the ONLY foods she has been eating for weeks now are chips and Oreos. Healthy, right? But since it is the only thing she'll eat, what do we do? The next thing I'm trying is apple chips, to see how that goes. If it works, maybe we'll just start dehydrating whole foods for her. Of course, as soon as we do, the obsession won't be chips anymore, because that is how this all works. She's still getting ACTUAL nutrition from Pediasure, so I'm not too worried about that. But the medication is creating an appetite, at least. That is the goal, creating hunger and giving positive food experiences, so mission accomplished.

Last week she went to speech therapy all on her own! I waited in the waiting room while she went with her SLP. I had a bad case of mybabyisgrowingup-itis. She's going to be three this week! And she's going to start school somewhere in the near future! And she went back to ST all on her own! The therapist wanted to work on her ability to tell me things, which I appreciate, because it is probably my single biggest worry in sending her to school. Tattling is an important skill when you think about it. She can't tell her teachers "He hit me." or "I fell down." She can't tell me "My teacher made me sad today." or "My friend was mean." It is worrisome to send her to school without that skill set. When she came out, she showed me a Valentine's card she made me and the therapist prompted her to tell me things. The therapist said, "I had her stick her finger into a cheesecake bite and she licked it. The second time she stuck her finger in, she started screaming and screaming, I'm sure you know all about that, and we had to take it out of the room." Oh yeah, we know all about that unfortunately. Later, at home, when I was prompting her to tell Josh about making the card, I asked, "What did you make it with?" and she said, "Glue!" And I thought it was totally BRILLIANT, because she wasn't scripting (to my knowledge) and it was a really specific answer. I was expecting her to answer "Hearts." like she had earlier in the day. She knocked my socks off with that answer!

I'm sad we are having to give up her private therapies. I think they are such an asset and both therapists are really working on important goals with her. We are seeing such growth in her right now that I think it is a point where she would be very open to the goals in her therapies. I wish we had more time with it. It feels irresponsible to allow her to be without therapy, even for a short time (until the district gets things together) when she is clearly excited and ready for it. She asks to go to therapy these days. "Go-a ferapy? Go-a school? Go-a ferapy a-day, YES MOM. YEEEEEEES." which is such a change from a few months ago when she was fake calling them on the phone and saying "No ferapy a-day. BYE!" I think we're going to see if there is a way to keep her in these two, at least until the district is ready. We'll see.

I love this photo of her wee hand playing (what she calls) "Cheez-Its". Cracks me up. "Can I? Can I want to? Can I want to play CHEEZ-ITS?"

Post-script: As far as insurance goes, our (amazing and appalled) pediatrician referred us to our state board of insurance, because she doesn't think it is legal for KayTar to be denied coverage. I'm contacting them today and if I find anything out, I'll definitely make it known. I hope there is an answer waiting for us. Oh, and Josh spoke with HR about the possibility for a pay cut. The lady was completely shocked and had to refer the question to higher-ups because this is a first. Aren't we lucky to be the first? We're still waiting to hear if it is even a possibility.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Oh yeah, Valentine's Day...

I thought I was going to say it was a lovely day, but honestly, it was a really hard day with some nice moments stuck in here and there. Poor BubTar was SO excited to give me my gift, he was awake and sobbing at 3 in the morning, begging for it to be time already. We talked him into a big more sleeping but first thing after the sun peeked out, he was in my bed saying "Open it! Open it!" and I did. He bought me a Bionicle, which are his very favorite toys in the world. And yes, it really is mine, he didn't secretly buy it for me so that he could use it. He hasn't asked to borrow it once. He just wanted me to have something VERY special and to him, that toy is VERY special. He even ran right past his own gift to give me mine, because he is such a sweethearted boy.

The night before Josh and I put up streamers and blew up balloons so they kids would have something fun to wake up to. Last year we did this, too, but KayTar was really too small to notice it much. This year she was delighted to wake up to it all. She had such fun.

I had to go to school and take a lab practical that night, so Josh took the kids over to his parents for a little Valentine thing they were doing, and afterwards, he and I went out to the movies while my mom sat the kiddos. All day I had been in such a funk...this insurance stuff is eating my lunch, to be honest...and he kept kindly saying "Do you even want to go? We don't have to, you know. Really, we don't!" but I DID want to fact, it was the only thing I wanted from the day, to slump into a dark movie theater seat, sip my drink, and turn my brain off entirely. I just didn't want to do ANYTHING else ALL DAY LONG, which was why I was in a bit of a unenthusiastic mood.

On the way, we discussed the insurance situation in increasingly frustrated and intense tones until I blurted out, "WELL THE WHOLE SITUATION IS SHITTY, JOSH." with perhaps a bit too much feeling (although I'm giving myself points for not using the f-word like I did in my head). He quietly said, "Are you upset?" And I said, "Well, you know, it all just sucks." and he said, "No...upset with me?" and I assured him I wasn't because, well, I wasn't. And he said, "Yeah, it all does suck." And then we changed the subject or turned up the radio or cracked a joke and sat together in the car with this buzzing frustration that had nothing to do with each other bouncing around us. It doesn't sound all that nice or romantic, but it was...knowing someone is on your team, agreeing about how shitty something is, sitting together and knowing you are thinking about the same terrible thing, can be a pretty nice Valentine's Day gift, really. Because maybe all day long you had just been waiting for the chance to belt out exactly how you felt about it all to someone who would look you in the eyes and understand exactly what you were feeling, and do nothing but nod his head and squeeze your hand. Maybe that coupled with the not-so-great movie and the cocktail made it just about the best date you could imagine on that particular day. Because when it comes down to it, love has nothing to do with boxes of chocolates or roses on some arbitrary calendar date, but it has everything to do with the honesty tucked into these everyday moments, the daily unspoken choices to move forward together, thankful for each other, even when things aren't easy.

Friday, February 15, 2008

And so it continues...

Thanks for your support yesterday. The Momocrats are continuing the healthcare discussion today and leaving our story at the top, so if you didn't get a chance to stop by yesterday, please do today. Also, below our story, there are many great posts on healthcare, take a few minutes and weigh in. This issue could not be more important to the 'Tars.

Also, we've been linked to at the Health Care Blog if you wouldn't mind following us over that way, again, I would be so appreciative.

And Canadians, if you'd like to weigh in, please do. One of the go-to arguments against universal care is the horror stories of year long (and longer) waits for doctor's visits and treatments. Stories about all the Canadians that migrate to America in search of our glorious healthcare. I know your system is not perfect and there are waits involved at times, but I do know that it is better than what we are experiencing here. It is helpful to hear that those of you with healthcare for all prefer it to the what is available to us in the States. That even with its flaws, you'd choose it again if given the opportunity.

This whole thing is kind of mind boggling, but if there is one thing I've learned this week, it is "Do not underestimate the power of the Blogosphere." Especially our little corner of it. I've never know so many supportive and amazing women. Thank you, thank you, for helping us out.

And hey for those of you who just check in for the cute kids...LOOK! CUTE KIDS! (I don't know what's up with BubTar's face, but I think it is a condition that comes with being 5.)

Bear with us, there might be more of this healthcare speak on the way...but it is so important and we're riding this wave as long as we can, not just for the little 'Tars, but for all the children that need these changes just as much as we do.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

A change of scenery...

Please, follow these sweet little feet as they march over to Momocrats today. We're talking about--wait for it--INSURANCE. Surprising, I know. But until our words reach the right people, we can't stop speaking them.

jen, friend, thanks again for this opportunity.

My kids thank you, too.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wordless Wednesday: B&W BubTar

More Wordless Wednesdays here.

[PS: There is a word-type post down below regarding insurance, with a smallish and mind boggling update.]

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Just more of the same.

I talked to our insurance agent (who is a lovely and kind woman, from what I can tell) today. I asked her if I needed to disclose what specialists KayTar is seeing, even if it is for an undiagnosed condition. She said, yes, they would need that information on the application.

She said, "What specialists is she seeing and why?"

I skirted the issue a bit, "Well, like a neurologist and geneticist for some unresolved neurological concerns."

Then she said, "Kyla, do you guys have any other options?"

Yes and no. Yes and no.

Taking a pay cut to qualify for CHIP is our last resort.

She said, "Oh good. CHIP. That would take care of her for sure."

It is good that we have a fall back plan.

But it is bad that we have to contemplate taking a pay cut to get our child insurance.

It is bad that although we have the money to pay for insurance and are willing to do so, we might not have access to it.

It is bad that when an insurance company looks at her application, they will deny it because the amount they will have to pay out exceeds our premiums.

It is bad that kids like KayTar and their parents have to jump through these hoops just to make sure their children are protected.

It is bad that children are just dollar signs for these companies and that unfortunately, my little girl happens to have a negative sign next to her.

Then the agent said, "But you know, I've heard that to qualify for CHIP you have to be without insurance for three months before being accepted."

And that is bad, too.

It just shouldn't be this hard to protect something this precious.

Update: I had the agent look over our application once I had completed it and she said, "I am not hopeful for [KayTar]." Dude. When your insurance agent thinks you'll be denied, it is not a good sign. I asked her if it is even worth wasting the application fee if denial is a sure thing, but I'm waiting to hear back. I keep thinking that this can't really be happening, but it totally is. She will be without insurance in two weeks. Unbelievable. It kind of makes me feel like this:

Scary, right?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Must Unload.

[warning, this might be largely incoherent babbling mixed with high-pitched shrills]

Item 1: KayTar's Head

We had our final nutritionist appointment last Monday and she let me know KayTar's head has been jumping percentiles. It isn't just one off measurement, but a progression. She was always 10% for head circumference. Then it went up to 15%, then 30%, then at last measurement 35%. The number differences aren't much, we're talking centimeters, but percentile-wise, she's had an increase of 25%. So I emailed the numbers to the pediatrician, hoping she would immediately say, "Oh, that's fine! A negligible increase, really." but she didn't. So I'm waiting to see if I'm supposed to be worried or not. Times like this are always a reminder of those pesky lesions in her wee little brain that we are really unsure about altogether.

Talked to the ped this afternoon and according to her charts, everything is A-OK. The nutritionist must have made an error in the early measurements, because looking at her main chart, everything is good.

Item 2: Insurance

I know, I kind of left you all hanging on this one, didn't I? I thought I had it figured out. We were going to pay for sub-par individual coverage AND we would be able to afford putting both kids on the plan. KayTar completed her 18 months for HIPAA protection (or so I thought) and life would be splendid. Except. There has to be an exception, right?) I misunderstood HIPAA. HIPAA does not actually protect her from having conditions excluded. If I disclose KayTar's medical status, the new insurance will be fully within its rights to deny coverage for all those conditions or to deny her completely. If I lie about her medical history, it will be discovered, since she has several medical files full of this stuff. If I tell the truth, I feel like we are putting the last nail in this coffin.

A few highlights:
Migraine/seizure disorder
Brain lesions
Developmental Delay
Feeding Disorder
Hypermobile joints
Chronic Constipation
Hearing Loss

She's been sick with:
Strep (x5)

She's been in the ER upwards of 5 times. She's be hospitalized.

She sees:
A feeding disorder specialist
Orthopedics (starting in March)

She needs:
Occupational therapy
Physical therapy
Speech therapy

She takes daily medication.

Not to mention the diagnostic tests:
2 MRIs
2 CTs
3 EEGs
2 LPs
ABRs every 3-6 months.

I can't hide this stuff. I shouldn't have to hide this stuff. But I am afraid that admitting it will cause her to be uninsurable. They go so far as to wanting treatment dates, appointment dates....everything. It is such a headache and I'm really worried she's not going to be approved, or she will be approved with stipulations that effectively render the plan useless for her. It isn't a done deal yet, but I am really worried about that possibility.

When I spoke to the pediatrician this afternoon, we went through KayTar's file, so I don't disclose too much information. There are very little in the way of ACTUAL diagnosis or labels of any kind in there, so we're going to use that to our advantage and hope for the best. There are certain things that have to be mentioned, but other things are merely possibilities and don't have to be mentioned because they are not official.

Item 3: District Delays

KayTar turns three next Friday. Her ECI services will stop on that date. We lose our insurance at the end of the month. Once she turns three, she is supposed to filter right into the district for services, however, she is marked as needing a behavioral evaluation (which I agree with) and the process is halted until that occurs. The psychologist is backed up and right now KayTar isn't slotted until APRIL. That will be almost two months of nothing. Zero services. No therapy. It might make a lovely break, but I'm not all that pleased about it being forced upon us. I understand that she is backed up, but I'm frustrated that my kiddo will be without any kind of support services for that long. They are going to try and get her in sooner, though, I should know by next week.

Item 4: Episode on the horizon?

This morning during her deaf co-op session, KayTar was just so not herself. She couldn't focus, she kept zoning out, she was having difficulty understanding speech, it was a really marked change in her behavior and awareness. I might as well be mute for all she can understand me today. She is a little more wobbly than usual and looks like maybe she had a few jello shooters for breakfast. I noticed it before therapy, but it was more pronounced because we were trying to engage her in things she usually loves to do. She just kept checking out in such a way that I'd call her name and clap to try and get her was the mildly disturbing kind of zone out...not just an "I'm bored, let's do something new." kind of distraction. It is strange though, it has only been 41 days since the last...not really a prime time. But I can't for the life of me figure out why she is so not right today outside of that. For whatever reason, she is really off her game today. If I had Spidey Senses, they'd be tingling. Unfortunately, I just have Mommy Intuition and it is twisting my tummy into knots. Tingling sounds preferable, I think.

And that concludes this week's episode of "Why is Kyla's Head Going to Explode?" Hopefully there is enough free space in my head now to study for my first A&P lab practical tomorrow night.

PS: There are lovely photos down below if you are in the mood for something lighthearted and beautiful. ;)

Sun Day: Part Two

The one above is my official Best Shot Monday. I'm sure it isn't technically the best shot, but I just love how it came out.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sun Day: Part One

I said, "KayTar, your face is dirty!"

She said, "Inna sandbox. Taste GOOD. So nummy." Unfortunately, that is the ONLY thing she has eaten today. I wonder what the caloric value of play sand is. Hmmmm.

Part Two tomorrow, starring BubTar.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Showin Off on Saturday: KayTar's Top 5

This week for Dawn's Showin Off on Saturday, the challenge was "5 songs that...". These are the top 5 songs that KayTar asks for as we drive around town, in no particular order.

Yael Naim, "New Soul" (yes, it is the song from the AirBook commercial).
KayTar calls it "Wawawawawawawawa song". There is little to nothing in this world that is as adorable as KayTar singing along to this song.

Bill Ricchini "A Cold Wind Blows Through Your Door"
KayTar calls this, "Star song", although I don't think it ever mentions stars.

The Bird and The Bee "Again and Again".
KayTar calls this "Again and Again", but when she sings it she says "Chew it again" instead of "Do it again". Also endlessly adorable. And the high pitch voice she uses, amazing.

Feist "1234".
KayTar calls this "12345678910".

Ingrid Michaelson "Keep Breathing" (I've posted this one before)
KayTar calls it "Keep Breevin!" You should hear her sing the intense parts. 100% pure awesome. And then add in the way BubTar moves his head on beat like a conductor's wand and BAM! My favorite part of car rides.

Friday, February 08, 2008


How does this sleepy baby head...

Become this sleepy school-aged head?

How do these tiny brand new feet...

Become these size 12's?

How does this baby in a basket...

become this big, big kid in a basket?

How does this baby in a suit...

Become this handsome young man?

How does this raspberry blowing 1 year old...

Become this raspberry blowing 4 year old (older photo)?

How does this first haircut...

Become haircut #(I have no idea)?

How does this chubby cheek...

Become this?

How does this big blue eyed baby...

Become this big blue eyed boy?

This week I had to buy BubTar both new shoes (in size 12) and new pants ( in size 6 slim) and it caused my Where Did My Baby Go Syndrome to act up. My fat, round little baby...the one I always had to buy at least two sizes up for, so he could have room in the waist, now needs his pants in a slim, because he is so tall and trim. Sigh. The very last place his pudge disappeared was in his wrist folds. He kept a little extra padding there for a while after it disappeared from everywhere else...but alas, that has been gone a while now. He is all boy now, long and lanky as they come, that chubby baby boy lives only in my memories and the snapshots I have hoarded away for days like these.