Last night I had the BEST night out with a few amazing bloggy friends. (Yes Flavia, I put you on BLOGGY on purpose, perhaps as motivation to do so.) We had good conversation, good laughs, good food, good alcohol, and good dessert...it was a perfect evening. I left the house about 6:30 and didn't roll into my driveway until after 1am. It was a beautiful thing.
Tomorrow, well, tomorrow is Test Day. El dia de LP. Spinal Tap the Sequel. Lizzle to the Pizzle Dizzle. Tomorrow morning we go to the hospital for another needle in the sweet girl's spine. Sigh. The first time we went through this, I was on the verge of tears all morning. I was sincerely hoping the doctors would treat it as business as usual, thus proving my fears to be irrational, but instead a counselor came in to make sure I knew what was going to happen, ask if I had questions, tell me I could stand outside if I was uncomfortable watching (who cares if I was uncomfortable? I wasn't the one with the needle going into my spine! The least I could do was stand by her). The counselor even offered to come in the room with us while the procedure was being done. I sat there willing her to stop talking, because I needed only the facts. I needed to know this was done all the time and it was absolutely nothing to worry about. I needed to know it was so commonplace that no one would even think I was concerned about it. That wasn't the case and I spent the whole morning leading up to it swallowing back my tears. KayTar slept in that morning and I remember sitting next to her on the bed, stroking her little leg and saying "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm so so sorry." In the end, it went well. The sedation definitely did the trick and while she was not unconscious, she wasn't exactly lucid. She groaned loudly when they put the needle in (it does take some force to get it in there, unfortunately), but otherwise she handled it well. Once she regained full consciousness, she even said, "Bye doctor! Thanks!" which filled my throat with tears all over again.
All in all, it went as easily as could be expecting and I think that having labs drawn is more traumatic for her. With that knowledge I can look to tomorrow and feel much less apprehension than I did the previous time. The first round of testing is always the worst. It was that way for labs, IVs, sedations, MRIs, CTs, ABRs, and of course, LPs. You never know what to expect or how your child will handle it and the fear of the unknown is almost too much to bear. Once you've been through it, the second time seems much less daunting. That said, I'm not exactly looking forward to tomorrow. I hate that she has to go through something scary and uncomfortable. It never feels right to stand by while someone puts a needle into your baby, even if you know it is necessary. It hurts your heart as much as it hurts your child's body. But this might be it. Tomorrow they will have their second sample of CSF. It will be shipped to Dr. FancyPants DRD-Expert for the testing and we should have results in roughly two days. By the end of next week, we could know. We could have an answer. So today, I sit here filled with equal parts of sadness and hope. Sadness that she has to go through this test again, but hope for what it might mean for our sweet KayTar.