27 things about Josh!

1. He is a criminal justice major.
2. He is going to be a game warden.
3. He enjoys hunting and fishing and all kinds of outdoorsy things.
4. He is my opposite in many such ways.
5. He always gets a day off on his birthday (Veteran's Day).
6. He painted KayTar's fingernails and toenails for her today.
7. He enjoys video games.
8. He likes Sci-Fi shows.
9. He's a horror flick fan.
10. He makes some yummy jerky.
11. He does all the dishes, plus most of the cooking and kitchen cleaning.
12. He is a bit of a homebody.
13. He is very funny.
14. He is probably the ONLY person I'm really, truly myself with.
15. He dislikes sports. All of them.
16. He is the scout leader for BubTar's pack.
17. He has migraines.
18. He loves peanut butter candy.
19. He gets Milk Duds at the movies.
20. He makes a mean baked potato.
21. He has a red beard, but brown hair.
22. He likes to wear his t-shirts until they practically dissolve into nothingness.
23. He likes girly drinks.
24. He can cross-stitch.
25. He is very supportive.
26. He is a super amazing dad.
27. He is the love of my life!

Happy 27th birthday, Joshie. We love you!

The Potty Report: Day 3

This might be the most stereotypically mommyblog-esque post I have ever written.

The Ups:
* 2 out of 3 days, no accidents at school
* 3 accident-free nights
* All but one pee made it into the toilet
* Several twosies made it into the potty

The Downs:
* One pants wetting accident yesterday on the playground
* Several partial twosies have ended up in the undies

She is still very enthusiastic about it and is making a great effort. I think the Miralax is to blame for the partial twosie accidents. The current consistency is more like what you might expect from a newborn which makes it somewhat difficult to control, as you can probably imagine. We're playing around with her dosage to try and get something a little less unpredictable, but that doesn't totally shut down production (in the poop factory, as she affectionately refers to her colon) altogether. That is a whole different problem!

I'd say, so far, so good. She's happy with her pretty little princess under-roos and I'll be happy when my years of bottom cleaning finally come to an end.

She's wearing underwear today.

If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you probably know that I have a 4.5 year old who previously had global developmental delays but now only seems to have ONE major delay, POTTY TRAINING. We have tried and stopped, tried and stopped, tried and stopped. KayTar has chronic constipation (and a level of intelligence that makes bribes and other motivators a little bit beneath her) and every time we have tried, she has ended up badly constipated and we've had to quit. Honestly, though, she has never been too terribly motivated to use a toilet. She has even been known to say that it would be too much work to use the toilet all of the time, why stop and potty when you can keep playing?

You can imagine my (delighted) surprise when she walked into my room yesterday and said, "I'd like to wear underwear. This diaper feels like PAPER! Ugh!" I said, "Okay, sure." And she said, "I mean TONIGHT." in a tone that suggested that I get up NOW and put her in some underwear, STAT! She used the toilet and then she put on undies. She stayed dry and clean until bed. We then put her in a diaper for overnight, but she woke up dry this morning and used the toilet. She insisted on underwear at school today, too. We will see how it goes!

We always said it would have to happen this way, one day SHE would have to decide it was time, we just never really believed she would get there! I was shocked when she came in and demanded some underpants yesterday. I'm sure it will take some work on all of our parts, but I've got my fingers crossed that it is important enough to her to stick with it this time and we will be able to work through the other issues, as long as she is motivated to keep trying. This might be it!

Wish her luck!

A Girl and Her Dumptruck

Happy birthday, Button.

A year ago, I thought that I would miss the sight of this unblemished belly, but I haven't.


I look at you, Button, and think of the wonderful things you have done for my KayTar.

Growth,

Development,

Nutrition,

Hydration,

Decrease in episodes,

Decrease in illnesses,

Fewer hospitalizations,

Fewer absences,

Freedom to discover food on her own terms,

And so much more.

Happy birthday, Button, we love you so.

BubTar's Pumpkin Party!

We hosted a pumpkin carving party for BubTar's wolf pack this Saturday and it turned out to be a lot of fun for everyone! I think we're going to do it again next year.(I didn't post any photos of the guests out of respect for their privacy.)

Josh worked on that crepe paper thing for like an hour on Friday night. There was even a yard stick involved.

Hot Dog Mummies! Delicious!

Wormy ice cubes, for the punch.
Putrid Punch. Looks disgusting, tastes delightful!
Brain Cupcakes. Zombies love 'em.

KayTar the Sorceress, who posed like this for every photo.
BubTar the Vampire.


The pumpkins! I drove to SEVEN stores on Friday night to find pumpkins!





BubTar's pumpkin.
KayTar's pumpkin.

You tell me...

This time last year, KayTar was approximately 29 pounds and 37 inches tall. She was wearing a size 3T and could still fit into many of her 2T clothes.



This time last year, we were in quarantine, preparing for a feeding tube placement.



Today, KayTar is approximately 35.4 pounds and 41.5 inches tall. She wears a size 5. In one year, she has gained almost 6.5 pounds and grown 4.5 inches. She went up two clothing sizes.





What do you think made the difference?

This week, I...

Made it to class every night!

Completed all of my Composition II assignments for the week (minus the essay, which I saved for today)!

Worked in the Book Fair for three days!

Recopied two weeks worth of Biology notes!

Finished my Biology note cards!

Grocery shopped!

Spent admittedly too much time working on privacy settings on Facebook (my mom AND mother-in-law friended me, enough said)!

Made an invitation for BubTar's Halloween party!

Had a conference with BubTar's teacher!

Completed several loads of laundry!

Read a good-sized portion of Othello for my upcoming research paper!

Cleaned/swept/mopped the living room on more than one occasion!

Got a haircut!

Grocery shopped again!

Made cookies with KayTar!

Visited my parents!

Went on a date with Josh!

Slept in on Sunday!

Things are finally getting back to normal around here.

Books for Christmas!

This week I have been volunteering at the Book Fair at the kids' school. I just couldn't hang out around those books all day without finding an excuse to buy a few, so I started my Christmas shopping a little early. BubTar always has a book in hand these days (and 3 or 4 more in his backpack every day), so it was a perfect place to shop for him! These are the books I purchased for BubTar.

1. Time Traveler's Journal:


This is one of those cool hardback books with the appearance of a homemade journal, with envelopes and notes, and all kinds of cool extras (including a backward spinning pocket watch).

2. Blast Lab


BubTar is really into science and science experiments right now and this one has simple experiments to do at home, that seem to have a very high fun factor.

3. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw


4. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days



He got the first two books in this series today (to start reading now), so I decided to pick the rest up for Christmas. The trick will be some how preventing him from burning through the first two too fast!

5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book



He was very interested in this fun do-it-yourself version of Wimpy Kid, too, so I snatched it up.

6. Guinness World Records: Gamer's Edition 2009


I bought him a Guinness Book of World Records the year he was born (2002) and he has been dragging it around everywhere lately, it only stands to reason that he would love an updated version that deals with one of his favorite hobbies, video games! My mom bought this one for him.

I also purchased a Phinneas and Ferb book (a KayTar and BubTar pick), Dora Saves the Crystal Kingdom (a KayTar pick), Wimpy Kid #2 (a BubTar pick), and Nighttime: Too Scared to Sleep (a collection of mildly scary stories I chose for BubTar)...all for a surprising grand total of $24! Volunteering in the library has its perks, evidently, one of which is MAJOR discounts on Book Fair fare. I intended to pay full price for these, but the surprise at the register sure was nice!

Discombobulated.

I seem to have lost my groove. I have missed two Biology lectures and two Chemistry lectures in the past month or so, either due to my falling apart or KayTar's recent illness. Prior to that, I hadn't missed a single one. Last week I got behind in my Composition II assignments, they were completed on time, but I procrastinated right up to the last instant. I've only missed one volunteer shift at the hospital (when I was hobbled by my defective knees), but I've missed 3 volunteer days at the school library, 2 due to my injuries and 1 due to KayTar's illness. Today I should be there, though it isn't my regular day, because it is the Book Fair and I really wanted to help the librarian this week. This weekend Josh and I were scheduled to host a game night (we even had my parents slated to keep the kids overnight) but we had to cancel it once KayTar spiked a fever. On the invite I even wrote something like AS LONG AS THE KIDS DON'T GET SICK, KNOCK ON WOOD. Evidently, the knocking on wood was ineffective. I have a poetry analysis essay due (I hate poetry, HATE IT) at the end of this week and a prospectus for an 8 page research paper due next week in Comp II. I have a Biology exam over cellular respiration and photosynthesis a week from today. My Chemistry exam is soon after that. Life is happening, but that extremely efficient routine I had going has been disrupted and I'm having a bit of difficult getting with it again. It is a feat equivalent to jumping back on a high speed treadmill, really. We all know how that ends.



Yeah, that.
I can't really tell if KayTar is improving yet or not. Wednesday we were up all night, coughing and puking. Thursday with the help of medicine she slept, but had very little to drink all day. Friday she didn't drink, but we gave her 8 ounces of half and half (Pediasure and Pedialyte, the lighter mix helps her to keep it down when she is heavily congested) through her tube, and she slept some. Saturday we tubed her 16 ounces of half and half, but she was up coughing and vomiting (due to the coughing) in spite of medication from 4-6am, after going to bed at midnight. Sunday we tubed her 12 ounces of half and half , she napped for 3-4 hours, and slept well after going to sleep at 1am. We've been giving round-the-clock doses of Benadryl and Albuterol, plus Ibuprofen when her fever spikes. This morning she asked for chips and Pediasure (regaining an appetite seems hopeful), but she only had negligible amounts of both and specifically asked for medicine to help her feel better, plus she is complaining about her bones hurting. It is a toss up this morning. I'm sure she'll be on the upswing pretty soon, but it has been almost a full week (last Tuesday) since she has had a regular amount of Pediasure, which makes me a little nervous. It has been 95 since her last episode and we'd really, really, REALLY like that number to keep rising.


We're having gorgeous weather, so KayTar spent part of the day watching her brother out the window while enjoying the cool breeze. I think we would all be outdoor people if we had that kind of weather more often!

All that vicarious playing and fresh air wore her right out.

Speaking of allergies...

KayTar had an allergist appointment yesterday! We had previously seen an allergist (who we loved, but left us when her husband's fellowship ended and he found work in another state) that was not affiliated with our local Children's Hospital, so when we came to the point of deciding KayTar would need a peanut challenge, she had to refer us to the hospital's allergy department because they only allow peanut challenges on their patients.

Her initial appointment was this summer, but we ended up having to cancel it. The thing about allergist visits is that your child has to be off of all antihistamines for 7 days prior to the appointment. KayTar got sick this summer and we absolutely had to give her Benadryl, she was coughing and puking and having some minor difficulties with breathing. We held off for as long as we could, but in the end, we had to give it. It ended up being a non-issue because she landed in the hospital the day of her appointment with an episode and we would have had to cancel in any case.

We discontinued antihistamines last Thursday and when we found ourselves at a birthday party over the weekend in a germ laden bouncy house kingdom full of snotty and coughing kids, we experienced an ominous sense of foreboding. What were we thinking?!

You can probably fill in the rest. Wednesday night she was miserably congested and we were up all night. LITERALLY. As in, I went to bed at 1am and she woke up for the first time at 1:15am. From 1:15am-3am, we stayed in my bed, but she was fussing/coughing/gagging so frequently that sleep was not happening. At 3am, I caved and we came to the living room (kicking Josh off of the sofa and back to bed) so she could sit upright in her baby papasan seat. From 3am-5am I dozed off a couple of times, never for more than 30 minutes, before she would cry out again. At 5am, she fell asleep and so did I. My alarm went off at 6am. Awesome.

Our appointment was at 9am and we were on time, however, the office was not. We didn't see anyone until 11am! Two whole hours. All I could think was, I could be sleeping right now. Once it began, the appointment went smoothly. KayTar had negative scratch test results to all tree nuts and peanuts, which was old news. The new news is that she didn't cry or fuss at all this go 'round. She was a total pro. She is still classified as nut allergic for now, but we have a peanut challenge scheduled for November and from there we will schedule a tree nut challenge. If all goes well, then we can lift the nut ban! CHOCOLATE, PEANUT BUTTER, REESE'S CUPS. I can taste it already. On the other hand, if all goes well, then we are left with idiopathic angioedema (fancy talk for this type of swelling without an obvious cause) and she'll have to go through some immune testing to determine if things are functioning properly, like her complement system.

As soon as we got home (which was around 3 in the afternoon!), I gave the Snot Factory some Benadryl and she ended up falling asleep on my chest for 3+ hours. I skipped class because I was too tired to function on any type of intelligent level (and Chemistry is crazy difficult to stay awake in on a normal night) and I had a sweet little girl asleep on me that I didn't want to disturb. Last night we BOTH got some sleep. It was awesome. She's still feeling rough, but we're managing it with Benadryl/Albuterol and fluids through her g-tube. She has had little to no Pediasure in the past couple of days, which makes me a tiny bit anxious about the possibility of this resulting in an episode, but we'll play it by ear and hope for the best.

Scene from a birthday party

As you all know, KayTar has a peanut allergy, so she can't eat cake at a birthday party. We've been priming her about this, teaching that she can't eat cakes and cupcakes and candy (and a host of other things) without our approval. This weekend we decided to let her answer for herself when offered cake and this is how it went...

Jumping Jungle Guy: Do you want cake?
KayTar: (doesn't respond because it is noisy and she's half-deaf)
JJG: Would you like some cake?
KayTar: (doesn't respond because it is noisy and she's half-deaf)
Josh and I: KayTar! He's asking if you want cake! Answer him!
JJG: Want some cake?
KayTar: Yes, please!
Josh and I: No no no no! You can't have cake! (to JJG) She can't have cake, sorry.

Pretty sure that Jumping Jungle Guy thought we were screwing with him on purpose.

Say what you will about public school...

But I know my kids are well-loved there!

Yesterday at morning drop off, B (the awesome speech therapist) was the adult who helped BubTar out of the car. KayTar started pouting, because SHE wanted to get out of the car at B's stop! B told her that one day she would go to KayTar's stop and help her get out of the car, but that the principal wanted her to stay where she was for today. She smoothed things over with KayTar by offering to bring a book of Halloween jokes by KayTar's classroom later for KayTar to read to her. That did the trick. After school, I was delighted to hear that she really did find the time to bring the joke book to KayTar and I was over the moon this morning when we pulled up to KayTar's drop off stop and B was there (clearly not on morning duty) waiting for us!

****

Last week when I was in line, waiting to pick up KayTar, B came to my window. She told me that BubTar's teacher had asked her to evaluate his articulation and she wanted to get my permission. I've had concerns about his articulation and had actually planned to ask his teacher about it that very week, so of course I said yes. He struggles with his S/SH/TH sounds as well as his R/W sounds, and I've noticed that I've had to ask him to spell things lately to clarify what he is saying. He's young, though, and has many teeth in various stages of regrowth, so I was unsure how much of this was still considered age appropriate. Well, he was evaluated that same week and he is now attending articulation lab for the rest of the semester. If he shows adequate improvement by Christmas break, we'll stick to this arrangement, if not, then we'll move ahead with more formal speech therapy. After his first session, he came home and said he worked on this sound (and he made a sound that was like a combo of S and TH, which is obviously the problem). To clarify, I asked him, "Oh...was it the TH sound?" He says, "Oh yeah...that one or maybe it was S." Ha! Clearly he's in the right place.

****

We struggled with the decision to pull BubTar from his private school, though there were many reasons to do so (finances, time, changes at his school we didn't approve of), we were still very nervous. The start of the year was difficult, BubTar cried many mornings (which in the end had more to do with how little he was seeing me and much less to do with the new school) and I had seriously doubts about whether we had done the right thing in moving him. As the school year has progressed, I know more and more that we did the right thing. He's excited about school this year, he has access to more activities in his school, they have an extensive library and he is just gobbling down books one after another. Although much of this year is review for him (his last school had advanced curriculum), his teacher provides extra challenges for him when necessary. His behavior is so much better this year than last, not that he's ever been in much trouble at school, but the difference between last year and this is noticeable. Also, he has access to speech therapy which is something that would have been entirely unavailable at his previous school. Most importantly, the staff at this school know both of my kids and obviously care for them, which is not something I would have said about BubTar's private school. They are interested in helping them succeed, whether that means putting KayTar in an advanced reading group or noticing that BubTar needs a little help with speech and setting him up with appropriate services. I hear a lot about the negatives of public education, but our experience has been quite different from all of that. I know that when I drop my kids off in the morning, they are in excellent hands. That is a good feeling.

Falling apart.

My body is out to get me. Seriously.

You recall the whole trip to the ER/cancer scare from a month ago? Well, it gets better.

A couple of weeks ago, I can only guess that I injured my knee pushing gurneys around the hospital. I have historically bad knees, I've already had knee surgery once, at 17 just a few weeks before my wedding. My left knee, the one that had been previously operated on, was the one I injured. Somehow, in favoring my left knee, my right knee became inflamed as well. I had to miss my volunteer shift at the kids' school for two weeks (can't stand, sit, kneel to sort books if my knees aren't working) and my shift at the hospital for a week (can't push wheelchairs and gurneys if I can barely walk). I did the proper thing and RICE-ed my knees as frequently as possible and my right knee began to feel much better. Unfortunately, though, one day back at normal functioning and my left knee AND my left ankle were swollen and painful. Last Friday, I was actually on crutches, because it had become so unmanageable. I spent much of the weekend with my knees and ankles elevated with ice packs and tried to stay off my feet as much as possible and FINALLY by Sunday I had regained most of my joint function. Yesterday night I was finally able to get back to the hospital, with the help of a knee brace. This morning my left ankle is once again inflamed, but it is nothing that rest, ice, compression, and elevation (plus some NSAIDs) can't fix in a couple of days. Two weeks of being largely immobile was torture and I will be pleased when I'm back at 100%, without these constant setbacks.

In addition to my musculoskeletal issues, my reproductive system is also out to get me. If you don't dig hearing about lady-troubles, go ahead and skip this portion of the post, okay? Last month, I had the heaviest period of my life. This is what landed me in the ER, I was actually concerned about the rapid blood loss. It was insane. I'm a light-flow kind of gal and this was like internal hemorrhaging levels. It sucked, though not as much as the pelvic exam I had to have in the ER. I think that might be as mortifying as it gets. Anyway, skip ahead to this month. I start my period on time, Monday. The cramps are so insane that it began to give me intestinal problems, if you get my drift. I got all the way to college for my evening class and had to turn around and come home. I was definitely too sick to make it through a lecture. I had to miss Biology class. Tuesday, I was feeling a little better. I had a pretty normal day, made it to Chemistry class and did well on the exam. On the way home, I started to experience some pain, similar to the pain I feel when ovulating, though by the time I arrived at home, it was reaching blinding-pain levels and showed no signs of slowing down. I had to take an actual pain pill to make it bearable and I hardly slept at all. In the morning, the pain was worse (if possible) and I was unable to get out of bed to get the kids ready. I had to lay immobile on the bed while giving instructions to Josh. It was pitiful. He had to drive them to school, because I still couldn't move when it was time to go. I took more pain medication and tried to sleep. By the time I had to start the pick up rounds, I was able to hobble to the car, with the help of medication. By evening, I was still in such pain that I again had to miss class, which of course was once again Biology, which puts me a week behind. Finally by Thursday I was feeling better and was able to hobble to class with only my mostly manageable joint pains. I'm fairly certain it was a ruptured ovarian cyst, I've had one before and it is the only time I've ever experienced that kind of pain. I don't recommend it.

Lately, I've felt like a car losing parts as it speeds down the freeway. Yesterday was the first 100% normal day I've had in more than two weeks and it was so wonderful. Yes, my ankle is swollen and sore today, but it was WORTH IT. I cannot stand being laid up, I don't like putting everything on hold to basically sit and do nothing, even if it is the right decision at the time. I just hope that yesterday is the first of MANY days in which I can function like a normal, healthy human being again. I might be interested in medicine, but I'm no good at being a patient.

Since you patiently read through all of that whining, I will now reward you with photos of cute children, I'm sure you've missed their bright and shiny faces:

This kid is crazy handsome, no?

This kid is a nut who no longer poses for anything resembling a normal photograph. I can't even sneak one when she isn't looking.

10 things.

1. BubTar started running a fever on Sunday and he had a sore throat, headache, and body aches. We went to the pediatrician Monday, thinking it was strep and we were right! He was absent Monday and Tuesday, and he was none to pleased about returning to school today.

2. I had my first Biology exam on Monday and suspect that I did very well on it. I love the feeling of taking an exam and knowing the material so well that I know my answer before I ever look at the multiple choice options.

3. I'm a little bored with the Internet right now. Weird, right? Somehow this doesn't keep me from spending too much time on it daily.

4. My Chemistry class has me wondering if it is possible to drop dead of boredom. It isn't the material, but the way it is presented. Professors, take note, simply writing on the chalkboard isn't enough to keep your students awake and engaged! At least, it isn't enough for THIS student. I look forward to lab, but lecture is an exercise in keeping my eyelids from slamming shut.

5. The weather here is lovely today. LOVELY! Today, KayTar may not risk heat stroke by insisting, as she always does, to change into long sleeves and pants the instant she gets home from school.

6. KayTar's feeding situation has vastly improved since we discovered a few months ago that she likes to eat her foods FROZEN. We buy pre-cooked foods, like chicken nuggets, and she eats them straight from the freezer. Some days she'll eat as many as SIX nuggets for lunch. If we cook them? She nibbles at one, perhaps. She still gets tube feeds, especially in the morning before school, but she is eating more real (yet frozen) food.

7. She is getting her 6 year molars and it is terrible. She never had trouble teething as a baby, but these molars are really hurting her. Last night we woke up around midnight and couldn't sleep from the pain. I gave her Ibuprofen and put her in bed with me and eventually she dozed off. The other day she grabbed her face and was crying, because it hurt to smile! Poor kid.

8. (knock on wood) She's been back on the name brand Pediasure consistently since her last episode and she hasn't had one in 69 days. Is it related? Who knows, but we'll take it!

9. Friday I volunteered at the kids' school, working in the library. I enjoyed myself quite a bit and discovered that organizing bookshelves can be somewhat of a zen experience. I stayed for the duration of KayTar's school time and then we went out for lunch and shopping (we were searching for a rolling backpack for KayTar). I invited BubTar's best friend to spend the night with us, so we had company in the afternoon, and we also had dinner with my parents. It was a relaxing and enjoyable day, which was exactly what I needed.

10. KayTar has begun going to first grade for reading group. They still haven't finished her reading test, but she is WELL above a first grade level, this much they know. (she demonstrated as much by reading my Biology index cards to everyone in the pediatrician's waiting room, "Phosphorus, carbohydrate, enantiomer isomer, protein...can you give me a tricky one, please?") However, because she is just a little Pre-K kid, they don't want to move her up too quickly due to the social and behavioral expectation in the higher level classes, though next semester they might move her to second grade for reading. She is THRILLED that she gets to go to first grade and that she gets her own reading folder with homework in it. She cried on Friday when she discovered she didn't get homework on the weekend. She has also been announcing that she is a FIRST GRADER to anyone who will listen. Yes, this includes strangers in the checkout line at the grocery store or anyone who might make eye contact with her.

Out of Order.

I should be at a meeting at the kids' school right now.

I should be working on an essay for Comp II right now.

I should be cleaning my house or conquering Mt. Laundry right now.

I should be making calls to a few of KayTar's physicians right now.

I'm not.

Yesterday was wild. I woke up in the morning and instead of getting myself half ready (shirt, bra, pants, socks and shoes), I had to get myself fully ready (add hair and makeup and coffee to go). When I dropped the kids off at school, I had to stay for a parent volunteer meeting, which lasted for about an hour and a half. By the time I got back to the house, I had about 45 minutes before it was time to pick KayTar up. I got VERY LITTLE accomplished. After picking KayTar up, we came home, ate lunch and played a bit and then it was time to go out to the medical center for KayTar's flu shot appointment. After that, we got back on this side of town JUST in time to pick BubTar up, we didn't even stop at home first. Then it was Homework with BubTar time, which lasts 1-2 hours every day, during which I stole 10 minutes (in 1-2 minute portions) to watch a fraction of an ER episode, just so I felt like I had done SOMETHING for myself. After homework time, Josh got home, we exchanged notes on the kids, I ate a croissant sandwich (delicious) and was out the door. I got home from school around 9 and my head was just about to pop off my shoulders.

I had run my rear off all day and in the end, felt like I had accomplished nothing. The house hadn't been tended to. My Comp II assignment hadn't been touched. I had discovered earlier in the day that my school email account was not working and thought, "Oh! That's why my professor hasn't emailed me in days, even though I sent her an urgent question about my assignment!" So I sent her another email, asking her to email me at my alternate account to answer my Very Urgent Question. She hasn't emailed me yet. She hasn't replied to my thread on the online class bulletin board that I posted a couple of days ago either. That isn't the ONLY important thing that I am waiting on (I'll spare you the various rants, most have to do with the calls I need to make to KayTar's physicians) and being stuck in limbo, without being able to take care of items on my to do list is adding an exponential amount of stress to my day. If the ball is in my court, then I can take care of it, make sure it happens, but when I'm depending on someone else to give me the information I need to proceed? I cannot relax until it becomes my responsibility again. I only have so much time to dedicate to these things and the longer I wait for an answer, the more of my (very small) windows of time slam shut.

This week has been off-kilter and it is making me anxious. Monday was fine, a regular day, much like my 24 Hours post. School work, drop off/pick up for the kids, laundry, straightening the house, going to class, volunteering at the hospital. Tuesday was much the same, except in the evening I had to squeeze in Open House at the kids' school, get to class just in time for a POP QUIZ and lab. Fun. You already heard about yesterday. So today, I am skipping the meeting at the kids' school and playing catch up, hoping to return to some sense of normalcy. Tomorrow morning I am volunteering at the school and I need today to get my bearings again. As soon as I publish this post, which I will be referring to as my mental health break* for the day, I will be off to furiously attack my to do list for the day, setting things right again.

*In all honesty, I have spent much of this "break" on the telephone and have worked out approximately 2 of 5 of the major issues, and my professor emailed me! HOORAY! Life can go on! I have also started the laundry and straightened the living room. I'm feeling better already.

PS: Everything was taken care of by noon, I had plenty of time yesterday to play and read with KayTar, and do a science experiment and play video games with BubTar (he had no homework), as well as time for the usual things. It ended up being a delightful day!

Wordless Wednesday: Regeneration

24 hours.

12:00am Sign out from my volunteer shift and head home for the night. If it hadn't been a slow night, sign out would have been closer to 12:30-45. I call Josh from the car to let him know I'm headed home. At 10 'til 1, I get home. Josh is still half-awake in bed, waiting for me. I tell him he doesn't have to wait up, but he likes to. He comments on the fact that I'm home early and tells me KayTar has been coughing, that he had to go up and sit with her, hold her upright for a while to let her catch her breath. He says she was gagging a lot, but didn't vomit. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and pull on my pajamas. Then I go and fetch KayTar from her little bed and put her in mine. Josh and I pass each other in the living room and whisper our goodnights. He is bunking in BubTar's room again.

1:30am KayTar stirs, "Mom, are you there?" "Yes, I'm right here, baby, are you okay?" "Yes, I was just asking where you were." She coughs and coughs. "Do you need your Albuterol?" "No, I'm fine." "Can you take a big breath for me?" She does. She doesn't sound like she is working too hard, so I believe her. We toss and turn and drift to sleep around 2, perhaps.

5:45am Josh's alarm clock goes off. It takes me 10 minutes to register why he isn't turning it off, he is sleeping upstairs again. I get out of bed and turn it off, perturbed at being woken fifteen minutes early. When my alarm goes off at 6, I hit snooze once, just because I'm angry about waking earlier. Of course, I don't ever fall back asleep.

6:05am I get out of bed, stumble to the closet and grope for a pair of pajama pants in the dark. I walk to the kitchen and start the coffee, then I sit at my computer. At 6:30, I start calling up the stairs to wake Josh, it takes far too long and I resort to calling him by his full name. This works. BubTar wakes easily, as always, but it takes both of us to rouse KayTar today. Josh dresses her in the dark, then tube feeds her. She can't bear any light in the morning, none at all. BubTar dresses himself, I dress myself, and then I fix KayTar's breakfast, which she eats at school. Soon enough it is time for the hair fixing assembly line, followed by shoes, backpacks, and out the door. We're a little off schedule when we leave the house at 7:22, because KayTar needed a last minute dose of Albuterol.

7:50am Home from drop off. I pull on shorts and a tank top and head for the recumbent bike. The first 5 minutes are horrible, I continually bargain with myself over when I can stop. Once my heart rate speeds up, I feel better and make it a whole half-hour. Then I pop a bagel in the toaster and get in the shower. After my shower I put cream cheese on my bagel (strawberry, if you are curious) and sit down to eat it and write the first portion of this post. Then, of course, I check in on Twitter.

9:00am Time for school work. I have two chapters in my Composition II text to read. I alternate reading my text with checking in online periodically. It keeps me motivated. I have a second cup of coffee. I watch the PowerPoint lecture for the week and complete a quiz. I call the Texas HHSC to clarify our instructions on the kids' CHIP renewal paperwork. My estimated wait time is 4 minutes. The on hold music is ridiculously loud.

10:27am My cell phone alarm rings right after someone answers my call. Time to go get KayTar. I put on my shoes while I talk on the phone, quickly get my question answered and I'm out the door. In the car line, I read a book, Becoming a Doctor. KayTar is crying when I get her, she is cold. Outside. In Texas. At home I have to get her a hoodie immediately. She is a weird kid sometimes. She plays XBox and drinks Pediasure while I make more phone calls to her surgeon (about g-tube replacement), her ENT (about hearing tests), and a pediatric special needs dentist in our area. I have to leave messages at all three places. I watch the President's address and try to corral KayTar into watching it. She is not into it.

11:30am Try to talk KayTar into taking a nap with me, it is a no go. "But Mom, PLAYING is much more fun than NAPPING." Maybe for you, kid. I start a load of laundry and straighten up the living room. The ENT's office calls me back to get some information and tell me they will call again tomorrow. I finish sweeping and mopping, and remember to call the neuro-ophthalmolgist to see if they have received KayTar's medical records. I leave another message.

12:08pm Lunchtime for me, leftover spaghetti from my parents. Yummy. Play with KayTar for a good while and then read through her Brain Quest cards with her and realize that she needs a harder deck. Give her a popsicle (I have a theory that she has been self-medicating with popsicles, keeping her glucose up, which is why she hasn't had an episode, KNOCK ON WOOD), turn on Max and Ruby, and remember that laundry I started earlier. Better take care of that. I watch a little ER and fold laundry while KayTar watches the Fresh Beat Band and dances around.

2:32pm My cell phone alarm goes off, time to pick up BubTar. In the car, I read and listen to KayTar chatting with Isabella (EYE-sa-bella, her imaginary friend). BubTar had a great day, as always. He checked out his first books from the library, Dwarf Planets and Electricity. They made banners for their reading groups today, his banner/team name wasn't chosen (The Mushroom Martians, they really looked like mushroom aliens!), but he is proud of his work regardless. I like that he colored his banner red, seeing as the Mushroom Martians (or "Marsians" as he spelled it) were on Mars. We get home and it is snack and TV time for the kids and homework time for me, I have to finish a take home lab for Chemistry that I put off over the weekend. I fill out the calendar for Josh for the week, medications, activities, who needs baths when, that sort of thing.

4:00pm I play some Fusion Frenzy on the XBox with my favorite little guy, then I start getting ready for class. I tube feed KayTar.

5:10pm Josh gets home. We exchange notes on the kids. Give kisses and I'm out the door. Almost. KayTar calls me back because I forgot to give her a hug with her kiss. I swing by Taco Bell for dinner, a chicken quesadilla and diet Dr. Pepper. I eat while driving and finish up in the parking lot at school. I manage to read a couple pages of my book, too.

8:45pm My chem lab partner and I are the first group to finish our assignment and I head home, pleased that I stayed conscious through lecture. My teacher likes to read from the book and she only makes notes on the chalkboard occasionally. I don't learn well this way, I have to write to learn, to be in motion, so her lecture style creates a perfect environment to be overtaken by a nap. I have to stop by the grocery store on the way home, we're running low on some staple items.

9:30pm I get home, put away groceries and peel my clothes off, it is definitely time for pajamas. I pour myself a glass of wine and Josh and I settle in to watch Hell's Kitchen. After Hell's Kitchen, I watch a few episodes of Forensic Files in bed while Josh plays a computer game.

11:59pm I publish this post and tuck myself into bed. Goodnight!

What about you? What does a typical day look like at your house?

In KayTar news...

They are in the process of testing KayTar's reading and comprehension levels at school. So far, she is up to a second grade level for both. They are still testing her, little bits every day, because she is still just a four year old. Everyone at school knows her now, the little smartypants from Pre-K who can read anything you put in front of her. At morning drop off, random teachers from other grade levels shake my hand and say, "Oh! You're KayTar's mom! She's so wonderful!" I picked her up early from school last week and the office staff said, "We were just talking about her!" That kid knows how to make an impression. They don't know what to do with her! Her Pre-K teacher says she is somewhat bored in class, she isn't only advanced in reading, but across the board really. If nothing else, they plan to put her in reading group with an upper level class. The trick will be challenging her, but not placing her with kids TOO much older. She may end up in a reading group in her brother's grade level. Her teacher is using her in a presentation for the staff this week about how children with special education levels CAN be intelligent and successful in school. My little KayTar, she just flattens those boxes they so like to put children in.

She has been sick this year, almost since the start of school, but has only missed one day so far, which is a vast improvement from last year. Josh hasn't slept in our bed in at least a week, KayTar's breathing has definitely not been at its best, which is the biggest problem, and she can't be trusted to sleep on her own when she is like this. One night last week, she vomited in her bed upstairs and was just laying there, on her back with vomit on her face when I got to her. It would just be so easy for her to choke. We've been putting her to bed in her baby papasan chair (still the best money we've ever spent) and around midnight I move her into my bed. This weekend she has been getting worse, one evening I had to restrict her from everything (including her brother), in addition to her meds, to get her breathing under control. Though, today it seems to be better. (KNOCK ON WOOD) We'll see how this week goes, I hope she doesn't bring home any new little microbial friends!

Scare.

Last weekend, I was told that I might have cervical cancer.

My first thought was, "Oh shit. I have no insurance."

My subsequent thoughts were something like, "This is going to be MORE than expensive, and now that I have 'abnormal cervical growths' in my medical file, the chances of getting into a private plan is slim and the chance that a plan will cover any related charges is none."

Sometime after that, I got around to thinking, "Holy shit. I could die."

Then, of course, I spent some time mentally kicking myself around for not getting a pap spear done since my pregnancy with KayTar.

It was Sunday when I was told all of this, so first thing Monday morning I twittered nervously about it and then put a call into my OB's office. They were booked solid, so I found another OB who was able to see me on Wednesday. From Monday to Wednesday, I tricked myself into thinking I was coping better than I actually was, which as it turns out is a valid coping skill after all.

When I finally saw the doctor (after two days that somehow stretched into years), she said that everything looked good and the ER doctor had just seen some benign cysts. I could have kissed her. I didn't, but totally could have. Sweet, sweet relief. It suddenly felt like I had been holding my breath for a decade! When I paid my fee of $287, it felt amazing. "Only $287!" I thought, "What a steal! No biopsy, no surgery, no chemo. Just $287 and my good health." I think they could have charged me just about anything and I would have happily handed it over, big dumb smile plastered on my face, so lucky did I feel about knowing my life had magically gone back to normal. I know not everyone is so fortunate in that respect.

The first moral of this little story is that NO ONE should have bankruptcy or health coverage be their initial thought when their health and life are threatened. If you suddenly have an unexpected medical need, health care shouldn't suddenly be unavailable to you because you--GASP!--need it. As a nation, we've got to fix that.

The second moral is please make sure you get your pap smears and yearly exams, even if you don't have health insurance (if you can somehow manage it). Saving $287 today can cost you a whole lot more tomorrow. I surely won't be skipping one again.