Saturday, May 05, 2007

Choose Your Own Adventure

A few posts back, the lovely Julie asked me how I live peacefully in the meantime, while waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have two answers to this question.

The first answer is that I am comforted beyond measure by predictability and planning. As long as I know to expect and episode and for all of our work to be undone, I can live happily in the meantime. I guess I've accepted it is an unavoidable part of life for us. Thankfully, the episodes have slowed from an average of 15 days to an average of 32 days. Their pattern is predictable, so I don't have to live every moment in fear of it happening, only the few days right around its due date. It is a little like being pregnant, you don't worry about labor the entire pregnancy, but when your due date approaches suddenly everything you experience might be a sign of imminent labor. It is the same with KayTar. As the days stretch closer to E-Day, we look at her more closely anticipating the coming episode. But once the episode hits, it is blue skies again for 30 days or so. Instead of full time worrying, we have condensed it into a few days of intense worrying.

The second answer applies to times like these. With the illness looming, I am in full blown anxiety mode. I feel like Chicken Little. The sky is falling! The shoe is dropping! I can't explain what a number the last strep experience did to me. The other shoe hasn't dropped, not really, BubTar is the only one ill and he is handling it like a champ. There is no crisis, but the threat of it is enough to make my stomach turn. I'm already worrying about hospitalization and she doesn't have a single symptom yet! I don't have it in me to wait calmly right now. All I can see is how things are lining up just like last time. BubTar went to the doctor on Friday. KayTar had an episode on Sunday (when she is due for the next one). Her fever spiked Sunday night/Monday morning. Josh was sick on Monday. We were in the hospital by Tuesday. I just see it playing out over again. I feel like I am re-reading a Choose Your Own Adventure novel, and hoping the subtle changes I can make will keep me from getting the same last page.

Yesterday the pediatrician gave BubTar a prescription for antibiotics, but they were a wee bit expensive and we don't have coverage for him, so I called today to see if she could call in something else for him. She offered for us to just come in for the antibiotic shot this morning, and Josh and I decided it is the quickest means to an end, so we did it. BubTar was displeased to say the least. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth. After receiving his shot in the tush, BubTar was screaming and sobbing with slobber coming out of his cute little mouth. I was holding him and of course he rubbed his tears and saliva all over my cheek trying to calm himself. I could almost see the little strep army marching towards my mouth. Yum. But I was the last one to get it the previous time, so hopefully my immune system is strong enough to keep me going. We shall see. I bought him donuts afterward to ease his pain, and I think it did the trick. Now all we have left to do is wait and see if the rest of us come down with it.

Poor KayTar wants her BubTar so badly. She will be playing happily and remember he's not with her and she wails "Buuuuuuuuuuuuub!!!!" and just breaks down. Every time she sees him she exclaims "Yay! My Bub!" and wants to run and cuddle him. I can't wait for tomorrow when he is no longer contagious and they can once again wrestle and hug. I love how much they love each other. He is feeling much better, though. He was so miserable yesterday, I'm glad he's on the upswing, but it is harder to convince him to get the rest he still needs.

All in all, we are all okay for the time being. He's had his shot and everyone else is symptom free. I hope it stays this way.

KayTar says hello!


~aj~ said...

The love they have for each other is just too sweet. Hope they are back to their wrestling matches & cuddle fests soon!

Kristin said...

I love reading your blog. You're a great writer. Hope everyone else stays symtom free and glad Bub got his doughnuts.

S said...

I could almost see the little strep army marching towards my mouth.

This is JUST how I feel.


Julie Pippert said...

Thanks for taking the time to explain.

Pattern and routine...expectation...yeah I can see that.

But still, it's a gift, being able to live peacefully in the moment anyway.

LOL about the germs marching towards you. LOL I know that feeling.

Andrea said...

I've missed you! SOrry to hear about the sickness. I hope you all stay healthy. Get some sleep!