Thursday, April 05, 2007


Today was so much better. God, even last night was so much better. Sure, she was up until 4am, but she was happy and it was good. Thanks for the well wishes and sharing the worry with me...hand-wringing gets lonely sometimes.

You'd think that after 9 months of these episodes they would be easier, that we'd have built up an immunity to them, that they would become run of the mill like a case of the sniffles; but they aren't. I can't explain it. Part of it is seeing her in so much pain and being helpless to relieve it. But the biggest part is that it feels like losing her. She's just gone when they start. If it is a "good" episode, she's minorly altered and bears a close resemblance to our girl, but for the bad ones? I wonder if she's coming back at all. It isn't a logical worry, of course. The doctors have it narrowed down and we've ruled out the big scary possibilities, so I shouldn't worry so much. But there is something about looking at the body of your child and not being able to find the person she is that is unnerving. This one yesterday really got to me. The thought of her passing out from the intensity of the pain breaks my heart. She was totally absent for almost 10 hours. She stirred to moan and wail about the pain, but then she was silent again. I did nothing yesterday, unlike the episodes where I am being vomiting on, bathing us, changing sheets, rocking her, and repeat. But it was infinitely harder. I'm so glad she slept through, I really am, but it was difficult.

And then I heard her sneeze and ran to her room and she smiled and signed "Milk." and giggled. She was back. Just like that. And everything else is just gravy. It feels like she's been given back to us. Her giggles are sweeter, her cuddles are warmer, her smile shines brighter. Everything is bright and shiny. The moment when she comes back, when we know its over, is sweeter than I can ever describe. It is a tsunami of relief. So she was awake until 4am, she was better and that's all that mattered. (Of course, I must be honest...I passed out on the couch around 1am because of a Benadryl I had to take, so Josh took the brunt of it)

She drank between 28-30 ounces of fluid last night, ate 8 sandwich crackers and two jars of baby food. She's never eaten like that in her life. She wet three diapers. But today she didn't wet at all until 5:45pm. She also threw up again tonight, just like Monday and Tuesday nights. I don't know what that's about either. Looks like another late night here, but its all good. :) Plus, I owe Josh for last night. *lol*

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Glad she's back... :)