KayTar is having a pretty good week. Monday and Wednesday she got through the entire school day without having to visit the nurse (except for her daily visit for meds and pump hook-up), and Tuesday there were some small bumps, but she made it through. She's flirting with a little respiratory infection, but doing well in spite of it.
In PT, KayTar had to stand on this thing called a wobble board, it was a wooden platform on top of a rounded rubber pillow of air that forced her to work VERY hard to maintain her balance. She would get up there and her legs would shake and her knees would buckle and she would grab onto her therapist for dear life. Lately, it seems like I'VE been on the wobble board. This semester has been stressful for me. I was chosen to be part of a STEM majors honor society at the end of last semester, which initially I thought was great. I was under the misconception that it was simply a scholarship program for impressive students (because that is all they tell you when applying!), but it turned out to be so much more than that. I had to sign up for an additional course, which was just one credit hour, and from there I found out that there were multiple mandatory events outside of class time. The society itself had something like 10 mandatory extracurricular events (the list just kept growing!) and the one hour course had several in addition to that. The class also required a lot of reading, online participation, and group work...it was my most demanding course and made Calculus look like a cakewalk. For a NORMAL undergraduate student, I can see the benefit of all of these things, but for me, especially THIS semester with the way things are with KayTar, it was impossible. A few weeks ago, I attempted to withdraw from the program, but my advisor said she was willing to compromise with me on certain things, so I tried to stick it out for the semester...but things just kept getting more complicated with KayTar and I just COULD NOT have that hanging over my head. So I finally officially withdrew last week and I feel so much better. I hate "quitting", but the truth is that if I had known about all of the hidden requirements when I applied, I NEVER would have applied. I am so careful about my schedule, because I know that there is a limit to what I can balance and I was even more careful this semester because this summer was rough for KayTar and we are seeing a lot of doctors and going through testing right now. This program tipped the scales in a dramatic way and withdrawing from it was the right call for me...and for us as a family. So, whew!
I'm not sure what I'm going to do about next semester. It has been a long time since Josh and I have really been hit by the uncertainty of raising a kiddo who has an undiagnosed, unpredictable disease, but this semester has really driven that point home once again. This summer was difficult, this semester has been difficult, and Josh and I are both concerned that next semester will be more of the same for her. We are thankful that her motility medication is helping and heartened by the good week she is having, but it seems like abdominal pain, headaches, dizziness, and other things are constantly lurking. We both hope this is just a flare up and we hope that she is on the upside of it now, but we can't say that with any certainty. Josh, who is extremely laid-back, brought up the possibility of home school last week, and he is NOT pro-home school. We're definitely not there yet, but the fact that he brought it up at all shows how uncertain things have been this year...how much our day to day with KayTar has shifted. As far as my school goes, if I had to decide right now, I'd say that it would probably be best for me to take next semester off or go back to evening classes for a while. When I decided to go to school full-time during the day, things were simpler with KayTar and it was an easier balance to maintain, but now everything is topsy-turvy again. School is important to me, but KayTar is my priority...she doesn't always need me, but I want to be there for her when she does. Luckily, I don't have to make any decisions right now...I just have to keep my head down and survive THIS semester (which in spite of all the extra stress, is going pretty well), because as my favorite Bible verse says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." And isn't that the truth!