Monday, February 11, 2008
Sun Day: Part Two
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sun Day: Part One
I said, "KayTar, your face is dirty!"
She said, "Inna sandbox. Taste GOOD. So nummy." Unfortunately, that is the ONLY thing she has eaten today. I wonder what the caloric value of play sand is. Hmmmm.
Part Two tomorrow, starring BubTar.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Showin Off on Saturday: KayTar's Top 5
This week for Dawn's Showin Off on Saturday, the challenge was "5 songs that...". These are the top 5 songs that KayTar asks for as we drive around town, in no particular order.
Yael Naim, "New Soul" (yes, it is the song from the AirBook commercial).
KayTar calls it "Wawawawawawawawa song". There is little to nothing in this world that is as adorable as KayTar singing along to this song.
Bill Ricchini "A Cold Wind Blows Through Your Door"
KayTar calls this, "Star song", although I don't think it ever mentions stars.
The Bird and The Bee "Again and Again".
KayTar calls this "Again and Again", but when she sings it she says "Chew it again" instead of "Do it again". Also endlessly adorable. And the high pitch voice she uses, amazing.
Feist "1234".
KayTar calls this "12345678910".
Ingrid Michaelson "Keep Breathing" (I've posted this one before)
KayTar calls it "Keep Breevin!" You should hear her sing the intense parts. 100% pure awesome. And then add in the way BubTar moves his head on beat like a conductor's wand and BAM! My favorite part of car rides.
Yael Naim, "New Soul" (yes, it is the song from the AirBook commercial).
KayTar calls it "Wawawawawawawawa song". There is little to nothing in this world that is as adorable as KayTar singing along to this song.
Bill Ricchini "A Cold Wind Blows Through Your Door"
KayTar calls this, "Star song", although I don't think it ever mentions stars.
The Bird and The Bee "Again and Again".
KayTar calls this "Again and Again", but when she sings it she says "Chew it again" instead of "Do it again". Also endlessly adorable. And the high pitch voice she uses, amazing.
Feist "1234".
KayTar calls this "12345678910".
Ingrid Michaelson "Keep Breathing" (I've posted this one before)
KayTar calls it "Keep Breevin!" You should hear her sing the intense parts. 100% pure awesome. And then add in the way BubTar moves his head on beat like a conductor's wand and BAM! My favorite part of car rides.
Friday, February 08, 2008
How?
How does this sleepy baby head...
Become this sleepy school-aged head?
How do these tiny brand new feet...
Become these size 12's?
How does this baby in a basket...
become this big, big kid in a basket?
How does this baby in a suit...
Become this handsome young man?
How does this raspberry blowing 1 year old...
Become this raspberry blowing 4 year old (older photo)?
How does this first haircut...
Become haircut #(I have no idea)?
How does this chubby cheek...
Become this?
How does this big blue eyed baby...
Become this big blue eyed boy?
This week I had to buy BubTar both new shoes (in size 12) and new pants ( in size 6 slim) and it caused my Where Did My Baby Go Syndrome to act up. My fat, round little baby...the one I always had to buy at least two sizes up for, so he could have room in the waist, now needs his pants in a slim, because he is so tall and trim. Sigh. The very last place his pudge disappeared was in his wrist folds. He kept a little extra padding there for a while after it disappeared from everywhere else...but alas, that has been gone a while now. He is all boy now, long and lanky as they come, that chubby baby boy lives only in my memories and the snapshots I have hoarded away for days like these.
Become this sleepy school-aged head?
How do these tiny brand new feet...
Become these size 12's?
How does this baby in a basket...
become this big, big kid in a basket?
How does this baby in a suit...
Become this handsome young man?
How does this raspberry blowing 1 year old...
Become this raspberry blowing 4 year old (older photo)?
How does this first haircut...
Become haircut #(I have no idea)?
How does this chubby cheek...
Become this?
How does this big blue eyed baby...
Become this big blue eyed boy?
This week I had to buy BubTar both new shoes (in size 12) and new pants ( in size 6 slim) and it caused my Where Did My Baby Go Syndrome to act up. My fat, round little baby...the one I always had to buy at least two sizes up for, so he could have room in the waist, now needs his pants in a slim, because he is so tall and trim. Sigh. The very last place his pudge disappeared was in his wrist folds. He kept a little extra padding there for a while after it disappeared from everywhere else...but alas, that has been gone a while now. He is all boy now, long and lanky as they come, that chubby baby boy lives only in my memories and the snapshots I have hoarded away for days like these.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Pure Joy [photo heavy]
The joy of a fresh haircut:
The joy of jumping:
Have you seen BubTar?
Can someone tell me when my boy became all leggy and lanky? I almost cried when he put on his shorts yesterday! He's shot up at least two inches just since winter began.
The joy of drawing:
The joy of eating:
The joy of funny faces:
And I had the joy of my very first migraine yesterday! Let me tell you, auras are a LEETLE freaky. I thought I was going blind in some flashy, holographic way. WEIRD. But it wasn't so bad, once the freakiness passed. I had crazy light sensitivity, but no other real pain. I suppose it would have been much more painful if the sun was still out, though. Josh was WAY jealous, his hurt like his brain is bleeding or something. He actually called me a lucky duck, but I wouldn't really call any migraine "lucky", although I did get to listen to my iPod in the dark while he fed, bathed, jammied, and tucked in both kiddos, and I had my food, drink, and other whims delivered to me in bed, so THAT part was a little lucky. Maybe even joyful. ;)
What are you and yours joyful about today?
The joy of jumping:
The joy of drawing:
The joy of eating:
The joy of funny faces:
And I had the joy of my very first migraine yesterday! Let me tell you, auras are a LEETLE freaky. I thought I was going blind in some flashy, holographic way. WEIRD. But it wasn't so bad, once the freakiness passed. I had crazy light sensitivity, but no other real pain. I suppose it would have been much more painful if the sun was still out, though. Josh was WAY jealous, his hurt like his brain is bleeding or something. He actually called me a lucky duck, but I wouldn't really call any migraine "lucky", although I did get to listen to my iPod in the dark while he fed, bathed, jammied, and tucked in both kiddos, and I had my food, drink, and other whims delivered to me in bed, so THAT part was a little lucky. Maybe even joyful. ;)
What are you and yours joyful about today?
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
My Magical Pharmacist
Two weeks ago, when I spoke with the pediatrician about the unfortunate tubing possibility, she suggested I try to locate a good compounding pharmacy that can make KayTar's appetite stimulant in an alternate format. Traditional pharmacies only distribute medications in the forms that are offered by the pharmaceutical companies, which means most medications only come in pill, chewable, and liquid forms...all oral. There are a very limited amount of medications that come in suppository form and nearly all are for sedation or nausea relief, but even those are limited. For KayTar, who refuses ALL oral medications, it means that for antibiotics, we are limited to getting her a Bicillin shot each time she has a bacterial infection. For pain and fever relief, the only option available is FeverAll acetaminophen suppositories, which if you have children you know it doesn't work as well as ibuprofen does, especially for high fevers which KayTar has a fondness for. As far as cough and cold, we can't give her anything at all, and she frequently has respiratory viruses that cause such intense coughing that she vomits from it. As far as her appetite stimulant, it only comes in an oral format, which is why we had to look outside the box for help.
I called around and found a pharmacy not far from our pediatrician and hospital, which is roughly 45 minutes to 1.5 hours from us, depending on traffic. I'm out there quite often, so it really isn't out of our way. I can drive there in my sleep by now. I asked if they could make her appetite stimulant into a suppository and they said yes, the pediatrician faxed the order in, and it was ready the next day. When I picked it up, the pharmacist said, "You know, we can make medications into transdermal gels, too. It is less intrusive than these are." He went on to tell me it is frequently done with Zofran and can be done with just about any medication. KayTar takes acetaminophen suppositories for her episodes, because it is all the pain relief we can get in the proper form, and she takes phenergan suppositories also due to the available forms. But now, this pharmacy can make ibuprofen and Zofran into transdermal gels to be applied to her wrist during an episode, and we never have to physically disturb her. It was like the clouds parted and the angels sang. I almost kissed the man. It was a heavenly moment. We have an entire new world open to us now, a world where KayTar can get any medication she needs and we never have to get it close to her mouth. It is amazing and I wish we had known about it sooner. I am thrilled! The downside is that they don't take insurance up front, you have to file a claim to be reimbursed. However, the up front cost is minimal for the service they provide. We got a month of KayTar's appetite stimulant for roughly $30. Ask me if it is worth it. Because it so is. If you have trouble getting your child or infant to take medications, I highly recommend it. They can also neutralize the bitterness of medications, unlike Walgreens or the like that just add an additional flavor over the top. They can make gummie bears or lollipops. They can do just about anything with these medications.
As for how KayTar is doing on the medication? It is making a difference. Not such a difference that we can stop Pediasure, but she is desiring to eat now, almost daily. Most days she still refuses to eat until the evening...but then she might take two jars, or a jar and a yogurt, or a yogurt and chips. She ate like a hog (okay, for HER) on Monday...1 serving of chips, 2 meat circles from her brother's lunchable, 1 Oreo, 2 jars of food. It was amazing, not only because she ate, but because of WHAT she ate. She's NEVER touched that sort of meat before this weekend. And Oreos are a no-no because of the cream inside, but she chowed down on that sucker. We are still letting her take the lead, but it doesn't feel like such a crisis, because I know most days, eventually she'll eat something...and even if she doesn't, SHE IS FINE. We saw her ECI nutritionist for the last time Monday and the squirt has finally gained! She is 29 pounds now, finally, after not gaining an ounce in what feels like forever. I've finally breathed that sigh of relief...I know that even without the food, she is okay. The eating is just icing on the cake (without all that pesky gagging). I'm so glad we found a pharmacy that enables us to get this medication into her. Surprisingly, she has no qualms about getting her twice daily "bummies" as we call them. She says "Bummies go ight hee-yah ina diaper." I think it is so strange that she prefers that to swallowing a bit of medication, but then, she's KayTar, so it makes sense. I'd love to peek inside that little brain of hers and experience this world the way she does. It would be an eye opening experience for sure. Knowing she processes things differently is one thing, but to be able to experience it? That would be amazing. Maybe one day the scientific community will be able to simulate what it is like for these sorts of kiddos, so we can all really understand what it is like to walk a mile in their shoes. I'd love to know.
Yum!
I called around and found a pharmacy not far from our pediatrician and hospital, which is roughly 45 minutes to 1.5 hours from us, depending on traffic. I'm out there quite often, so it really isn't out of our way. I can drive there in my sleep by now. I asked if they could make her appetite stimulant into a suppository and they said yes, the pediatrician faxed the order in, and it was ready the next day. When I picked it up, the pharmacist said, "You know, we can make medications into transdermal gels, too. It is less intrusive than these are." He went on to tell me it is frequently done with Zofran and can be done with just about any medication. KayTar takes acetaminophen suppositories for her episodes, because it is all the pain relief we can get in the proper form, and she takes phenergan suppositories also due to the available forms. But now, this pharmacy can make ibuprofen and Zofran into transdermal gels to be applied to her wrist during an episode, and we never have to physically disturb her. It was like the clouds parted and the angels sang. I almost kissed the man. It was a heavenly moment. We have an entire new world open to us now, a world where KayTar can get any medication she needs and we never have to get it close to her mouth. It is amazing and I wish we had known about it sooner. I am thrilled! The downside is that they don't take insurance up front, you have to file a claim to be reimbursed. However, the up front cost is minimal for the service they provide. We got a month of KayTar's appetite stimulant for roughly $30. Ask me if it is worth it. Because it so is. If you have trouble getting your child or infant to take medications, I highly recommend it. They can also neutralize the bitterness of medications, unlike Walgreens or the like that just add an additional flavor over the top. They can make gummie bears or lollipops. They can do just about anything with these medications.
As for how KayTar is doing on the medication? It is making a difference. Not such a difference that we can stop Pediasure, but she is desiring to eat now, almost daily. Most days she still refuses to eat until the evening...but then she might take two jars, or a jar and a yogurt, or a yogurt and chips. She ate like a hog (okay, for HER) on Monday...1 serving of chips, 2 meat circles from her brother's lunchable, 1 Oreo, 2 jars of food. It was amazing, not only because she ate, but because of WHAT she ate. She's NEVER touched that sort of meat before this weekend. And Oreos are a no-no because of the cream inside, but she chowed down on that sucker. We are still letting her take the lead, but it doesn't feel like such a crisis, because I know most days, eventually she'll eat something...and even if she doesn't, SHE IS FINE. We saw her ECI nutritionist for the last time Monday and the squirt has finally gained! She is 29 pounds now, finally, after not gaining an ounce in what feels like forever. I've finally breathed that sigh of relief...I know that even without the food, she is okay. The eating is just icing on the cake (without all that pesky gagging). I'm so glad we found a pharmacy that enables us to get this medication into her. Surprisingly, she has no qualms about getting her twice daily "bummies" as we call them. She says "Bummies go ight hee-yah ina diaper." I think it is so strange that she prefers that to swallowing a bit of medication, but then, she's KayTar, so it makes sense. I'd love to peek inside that little brain of hers and experience this world the way she does. It would be an eye opening experience for sure. Knowing she processes things differently is one thing, but to be able to experience it? That would be amazing. Maybe one day the scientific community will be able to simulate what it is like for these sorts of kiddos, so we can all really understand what it is like to walk a mile in their shoes. I'd love to know.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
You know you're a techie family when...
On trying to explain KayTar.
BubTar: So she can't hear me? I should TALK LOUDER?!
Me: No, that isn't what I mean. Let's see...hmmm...okay. You are like a Blu Ray disc and KayTar is like a HD DVD player.
BubTar: Yes! I wanted to be the Blu Ray disc!
Me: I'm glad. Okay, the Blu Ray disk speaks and it makes sense to itself, but because the HD DVD player speaks another kind of machine language, it can't understand WHAT the Blu Ray disc is saying. That is why you can't play a Blu Ray disc in an HD DVD player, right? When you speak, it makes sense, but when it goes into KayTar's mind, it is sometimes like you are speaking a different language. She can hear you, it just doesn't make sense in her brain. Like a Blu Ray disc in a HD DVD player.
BubTar: Oh! Okay! I get it. Hey Mom, did you know HD DVDs and Blu Ray discs are SIX TIMES SHARPER than traditional DVDs?
Me: Mmmhmmm. By now, I think you've taught that to everyone we know.
He opted for 100 stars instead of 100 Legos for his 100th Day of School shirt.
BubTar: So she can't hear me? I should TALK LOUDER?!
Me: No, that isn't what I mean. Let's see...hmmm...okay. You are like a Blu Ray disc and KayTar is like a HD DVD player.
BubTar: Yes! I wanted to be the Blu Ray disc!
Me: I'm glad. Okay, the Blu Ray disk speaks and it makes sense to itself, but because the HD DVD player speaks another kind of machine language, it can't understand WHAT the Blu Ray disc is saying. That is why you can't play a Blu Ray disc in an HD DVD player, right? When you speak, it makes sense, but when it goes into KayTar's mind, it is sometimes like you are speaking a different language. She can hear you, it just doesn't make sense in her brain. Like a Blu Ray disc in a HD DVD player.
BubTar: Oh! Okay! I get it. Hey Mom, did you know HD DVDs and Blu Ray discs are SIX TIMES SHARPER than traditional DVDs?
Me: Mmmhmmm. By now, I think you've taught that to everyone we know.
He opted for 100 stars instead of 100 Legos for his 100th Day of School shirt.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Comprehension check.
Last night as I was undressing KayTar to put her jammies on, I asked her a series of questions. Initially I was just trying to gauge her reflexive "yeah" answers, because she says "yeah" in response to most questions, unless it has to do with food, in which case "NO!" is the optimal answer.
I took her shoes off and said, "KayTar, are these feet?" thinking a silly, obvious question might get an accurate answer.
She said, "Yeah."
I gave her that, "Are you sure? I don't think so." look and asked again.
"Yeah."
I asked a third time, this time I actively shook my head no, which she duplicated and then said, "Yeah."
Then I said, "Are these feet? NO!"
"Are these feet? NO!" she said.
So I asked again, "Are these feet?"
"Yeah."
"No KayTar, these are shoes. Not feet. SHOES."
"Shoes."
"Are these shoes?"
"Yeah."
"Are these feet?"
"Yeah."
"No, not feet. These are shoes."
Then I held up her jeans and tried again. "Are these legs?"
"Yeah."
Asked again with the look.
"Yeah." she said.
"Are these legs?" while vigorously shaking my head no.
"Yeah."
"Are these legs? NO!"
"No!"
"Are these legs?"
"Yeah."
"No. These are not legs. These are pants. Pants."
"Pants."
"Are these pants?"
"Yeah."
"Are these legs?"
"Yeah."
"No, not legs. These are pants."
And AGAIN with her shirt, because it is too fascinating at this point to stop.
"Is this a tummy?"
"Yeah."
"Is this a tummy?" while giving the look.
"Yeah."
"Is this a tummy?" shaking my head no.
"Yeah."
"Is this a tummy? NO! It's a shirt."
"No. It's a shirt."
"Is it a tummy?"
"Yeah."
"No, not a tummy. It's a shirt. Is it a shirt?"
"Yeah."
"Is it a tummy?"
"Yeah."
[insert witty verbal dissecting skills here, I think I'm out of them]
First of all, I chose to start the initial question because I thought the no answer would be obvious, but she answered incorrectly which at the same time surprised me and didn't surprise me because of her fondness for yeahs. Then I added a subtle nonverbal clue. She didn't pick up on it. Then I added an obvious nonverbal clue, which she copied, but still answered incorrectly. She parroted the correct answer, but then continued to give the wrong answer. She was focused on what we were talking about, and she wasn't being silly. (I know lots of typical kiddos who answer incorrectly to get a giggle, BubTar does it a lot) I'm slightly stumped as to whether she really does not understand the difference between pants and legs or if it was just the fact it was a question that confused her. When she gets hurt she does say "Owww, hurt-a my PANTS!" or "Owww! hurt-a my shirt!" but I've always thought she said that because that is what she can physically see. She fell down and hit her pants on the ground, so she says she hurt her pants. But maybe she thinks the terms are interchangeable? Or maybe she just thinks the answer to every question is yes? I said before that this is her go-to answer, but I really thought with aid of nonverbal clues or giving her the correct answer to parrot and following the same format for each line of questioning might help her clue in on the correct answer.
I'm not sure, but as I find more and more of these areas that we are unsure about her knowledge or comprehension it makes me wonder what else is being missed. How much of what we say to her or what she says to us in a day is really understood? As she gets older and more is expected of her by the outside world, this is really going to compound her problems. She has the ability of appearing advanced in most areas, in many areas she is advanced. But at the basis of it, language, she has so many gaps that cannot be readily seen. We discover them by happenstance and it makes me question everything I think I know about her; how much is a show and how much does she really know? How many important things do I say to her each day that don't register at all? I've talked about this before at length. I know she doesn't understand certain things, but finding another camouflaged spot is always a bit unsettling.
I think BubandPie nailed the crux of our sibling problem. I think BubTar, like most people who meet her, are overestimating what KayTar comprehends, because she appears to understand much more than she truly does. Even I am unsure where this line lies and I am with her 24 hours a day most of the time. It is something we will have to work through together and hope that even if they can't exactly understand each other, they can still learn to work within the other's boundaries.
****
My Best Shot Monday, from the series I took of her and Gee.
I took her shoes off and said, "KayTar, are these feet?" thinking a silly, obvious question might get an accurate answer.
She said, "Yeah."
I gave her that, "Are you sure? I don't think so." look and asked again.
"Yeah."
I asked a third time, this time I actively shook my head no, which she duplicated and then said, "Yeah."
Then I said, "Are these feet? NO!"
"Are these feet? NO!" she said.
So I asked again, "Are these feet?"
"Yeah."
"No KayTar, these are shoes. Not feet. SHOES."
"Shoes."
"Are these shoes?"
"Yeah."
"Are these feet?"
"Yeah."
"No, not feet. These are shoes."
Then I held up her jeans and tried again. "Are these legs?"
"Yeah."
Asked again with the look.
"Yeah." she said.
"Are these legs?" while vigorously shaking my head no.
"Yeah."
"Are these legs? NO!"
"No!"
"Are these legs?"
"Yeah."
"No. These are not legs. These are pants. Pants."
"Pants."
"Are these pants?"
"Yeah."
"Are these legs?"
"Yeah."
"No, not legs. These are pants."
And AGAIN with her shirt, because it is too fascinating at this point to stop.
"Is this a tummy?"
"Yeah."
"Is this a tummy?" while giving the look.
"Yeah."
"Is this a tummy?" shaking my head no.
"Yeah."
"Is this a tummy? NO! It's a shirt."
"No. It's a shirt."
"Is it a tummy?"
"Yeah."
"No, not a tummy. It's a shirt. Is it a shirt?"
"Yeah."
"Is it a tummy?"
"Yeah."
[insert witty verbal dissecting skills here, I think I'm out of them]
First of all, I chose to start the initial question because I thought the no answer would be obvious, but she answered incorrectly which at the same time surprised me and didn't surprise me because of her fondness for yeahs. Then I added a subtle nonverbal clue. She didn't pick up on it. Then I added an obvious nonverbal clue, which she copied, but still answered incorrectly. She parroted the correct answer, but then continued to give the wrong answer. She was focused on what we were talking about, and she wasn't being silly. (I know lots of typical kiddos who answer incorrectly to get a giggle, BubTar does it a lot) I'm slightly stumped as to whether she really does not understand the difference between pants and legs or if it was just the fact it was a question that confused her. When she gets hurt she does say "Owww, hurt-a my PANTS!" or "Owww! hurt-a my shirt!" but I've always thought she said that because that is what she can physically see. She fell down and hit her pants on the ground, so she says she hurt her pants. But maybe she thinks the terms are interchangeable? Or maybe she just thinks the answer to every question is yes? I said before that this is her go-to answer, but I really thought with aid of nonverbal clues or giving her the correct answer to parrot and following the same format for each line of questioning might help her clue in on the correct answer.
I'm not sure, but as I find more and more of these areas that we are unsure about her knowledge or comprehension it makes me wonder what else is being missed. How much of what we say to her or what she says to us in a day is really understood? As she gets older and more is expected of her by the outside world, this is really going to compound her problems. She has the ability of appearing advanced in most areas, in many areas she is advanced. But at the basis of it, language, she has so many gaps that cannot be readily seen. We discover them by happenstance and it makes me question everything I think I know about her; how much is a show and how much does she really know? How many important things do I say to her each day that don't register at all? I've talked about this before at length. I know she doesn't understand certain things, but finding another camouflaged spot is always a bit unsettling.
I think BubandPie nailed the crux of our sibling problem. I think BubTar, like most people who meet her, are overestimating what KayTar comprehends, because she appears to understand much more than she truly does. Even I am unsure where this line lies and I am with her 24 hours a day most of the time. It is something we will have to work through together and hope that even if they can't exactly understand each other, they can still learn to work within the other's boundaries.
****
My Best Shot Monday, from the series I took of her and Gee.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Oh, look at that! It's Superbowl Sunday.
We hate sports, basically, so Superbowl Sunday is just another Sunday for us. Josh is cleaning the garage, the kids are napping, and I'm on the computer, stalling before taking a Philosophy test. Other tasks I am avoiding include, but are not limited to laundry, putting away piles of Legos on the floor beside me, cleaning the bathroom sink, and changing the bedsheets. I am also delaying a trip to the store to buy a box of Legos to hot glue to BubTar's 100th Day of School t-shirt, just because I don't feel like leaving the house yet. Sometimes, I'm lazy.
A quick note on yesterday's post. I've LOVED all the input, really it is nice to see that kiddos this age sometimes do and sometimes don't have this particular awareness. It is always nice to find that something might not just be KayTar being so KayTar, it might be KayTar being human in general. I also think perhaps I left you all with a bit of a disadvantage because of where I chose to begin the script, so I will now give you a typical precursor to that particular section of the script of our lives.
KayTar: CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE! (this somehow means, I would like to roll balls back and forth with you, BubTar. Don't ask. We speak a foreign language sometimes)
BubTar: Okay, KayTar!
KayTar: [happily rolls balls to BubTar]
BubTar: I know! Let's play hide and seek with the balls! That will be fun! I'll be right back, KayTar. [scampers off with all the balls]
KayTar: [doesn't understand what BubTar said, thinks what the heck just happened?] CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE!!!! [insert bloodcurdling screams/neighbors calling CPS]
BubTar: KayTar, stop screaming at me. It hurts my FEELINGS!
KayTar: [cannot hear BubTar at all] [MORE SCREAMING!]
BubTar: [flees the room in tears]
You see, this is our typical issue. KayTar has something in mind or is playing a certain way. BubTar steps in and interferes with her independent play or changes the rules of cooperative play, she gets confused and goes a wee bit ballistic. Once she combusts, we can't do anything but remove her from the situation to calm down. BubTar on the other hand is usually trying to be kind and jump in to play with her, or make things more fun. She loves playing hide and seek, so honestly, playing hide and seek with the balls sounds right up her alley. KayTar react explosively to his kindness and he is injured because he was just trying to be nice and she reacts in such a negative way. This happens roughly 600 times per day.
But in a situation like that, who is at fault, really? Yes, BubTar interfered with her play, but he was attempting to be nice (usually). Yes, KayTar OVERREACTS, but she isn't trying to be mean or hurtful, she feels violated somehow and reacts to it. She doesn't break his toys or hit or push him. She doesn't understand enough how emotions work to do something that purposefully elicits a negative reaction. So I am left with two children, both in tears, and I don't know the proper way to proceed, except to occasionally split them up and then practically sit on them while they play, even then, it continues to happen. I know this sibling stuff is normal and I know to an extent the frustrated screaming of toddlerhood can be normal, but it feels like I'm dealing with two people from separate and foreign cultures. They both keep perpetrating perceived wrongs based on the others culture and don't understand what they are doing that is offensive or hurtful. The natives are restless and from different tribes.
We always, always try to explain things. Although, the explanations go over KayTar's head and they don't do much to soothe poor BubTar's heart. We also have KayTar apologize for making him sad and hope that one day it will click for her. We explain to BubTar why she got so upset in the first place, too. But for now, it is the endless cycle of our days.
Well, that was NOT exactly a quick note and so the real post I was planning on for today will just have to wait. If anyone has further suggestions or input on this, keep it coming. It really is helpful.
A quick note on yesterday's post. I've LOVED all the input, really it is nice to see that kiddos this age sometimes do and sometimes don't have this particular awareness. It is always nice to find that something might not just be KayTar being so KayTar, it might be KayTar being human in general. I also think perhaps I left you all with a bit of a disadvantage because of where I chose to begin the script, so I will now give you a typical precursor to that particular section of the script of our lives.
KayTar: CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE! (this somehow means, I would like to roll balls back and forth with you, BubTar. Don't ask. We speak a foreign language sometimes)
BubTar: Okay, KayTar!
KayTar: [happily rolls balls to BubTar]
BubTar: I know! Let's play hide and seek with the balls! That will be fun! I'll be right back, KayTar. [scampers off with all the balls]
KayTar: [doesn't understand what BubTar said, thinks what the heck just happened?] CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE!!!! [insert bloodcurdling screams/neighbors calling CPS]
BubTar: KayTar, stop screaming at me. It hurts my FEELINGS!
KayTar: [cannot hear BubTar at all] [MORE SCREAMING!]
BubTar: [flees the room in tears]
You see, this is our typical issue. KayTar has something in mind or is playing a certain way. BubTar steps in and interferes with her independent play or changes the rules of cooperative play, she gets confused and goes a wee bit ballistic. Once she combusts, we can't do anything but remove her from the situation to calm down. BubTar on the other hand is usually trying to be kind and jump in to play with her, or make things more fun. She loves playing hide and seek, so honestly, playing hide and seek with the balls sounds right up her alley. KayTar react explosively to his kindness and he is injured because he was just trying to be nice and she reacts in such a negative way. This happens roughly 600 times per day.
But in a situation like that, who is at fault, really? Yes, BubTar interfered with her play, but he was attempting to be nice (usually). Yes, KayTar OVERREACTS, but she isn't trying to be mean or hurtful, she feels violated somehow and reacts to it. She doesn't break his toys or hit or push him. She doesn't understand enough how emotions work to do something that purposefully elicits a negative reaction. So I am left with two children, both in tears, and I don't know the proper way to proceed, except to occasionally split them up and then practically sit on them while they play, even then, it continues to happen. I know this sibling stuff is normal and I know to an extent the frustrated screaming of toddlerhood can be normal, but it feels like I'm dealing with two people from separate and foreign cultures. They both keep perpetrating perceived wrongs based on the others culture and don't understand what they are doing that is offensive or hurtful. The natives are restless and from different tribes.
We always, always try to explain things. Although, the explanations go over KayTar's head and they don't do much to soothe poor BubTar's heart. We also have KayTar apologize for making him sad and hope that one day it will click for her. We explain to BubTar why she got so upset in the first place, too. But for now, it is the endless cycle of our days.
Well, that was NOT exactly a quick note and so the real post I was planning on for today will just have to wait. If anyone has further suggestions or input on this, keep it coming. It really is helpful.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Feelings, nothing more than feelings.
I've often been told how very lucky I am to have children who get along so well. And I am lucky, so very lucky. However, this week the little darlings have decided to take a vacation from their steady jobs as Best Siblings Ever and my eardrums are paying the price.
As you might have noticed, BubTar is a kind and sensitive soul, which makes him the ideal sibling for KayTar in a multitude of ways. It almost means the biggest thing he struggles with is keep emotions in check, at least to a point. Weeping and gnashing of teeth is not an appropriate response to "Time to brush your teeth." These are the sorts of things he has to be reminded of frequently, because everything just feels so giant in his heart. On the flipside of that coin, while KayTar can be a highly emotional (sometimes to the point of volatile) little girl, she has no grasp of the feelings of others. She doesn't even understand people HAVE feelings. She surely doesn't understand how someone else's feelings can be hurt or what that even looks like.
So this week, I have been treated to several showing of this little play.
[enter BubTar, stage right. Briskly walks across the stage and dashes up the stairs. A door slams]
Mom: BubTar, what's wrong?
BubTar: She hurt my feelings. She doesn't even CARE. I'm NEVER COMING OUT. NEVER. I WILL JUST STAY IN HERE FOREVER. FOREVER! [cue heaving sobs]
KayTar: Where's BubTar? BUBTAR! Pum back hee-yah!
Me: BubTar is SAD. You made BubTar feel sad.
KayTar: [cue crickets]
Me: BubTar is crying.
KayTar: Stop dat cwhyin.
Me: Say "I'm sorry BubTar."
KayTar: I sorry BubTar.
Me: BubTar! Did you hear that? She said she is sorry.
BubTar: [opens the door]
KayTar: BubTar! Ef you are, BubTar! Come hee-yah!
Me: KayTar, can you HUG BubTar and say you are sorry?
KayTar: [willingly complies]
And off they run together, until it happens the next time.
Then I beat my head against the wall because I don't know how to stop the cycle, except to split them up, which I usually end up doing, at least for a short time. Neither of them are fond of that either, because they do love to be together. Here is my dilemma, Josh and I have explained to BubTar that she doesn't understand what feelings are or how she hurts them. She is only aware of herself. But that doesn't stop his little heart from being stomped on several times a day. And KayTar, she doesn't even know anything has happened, she surely can't rectify it or stop the behavior without knowing what it is. And so I am stuck being the referee between two people who seem to speak completely different languages. BubTar with all his understanding and KayTar with all her knowledge. I don't know how to bridge a gap like that.
KayTar does have some understanding of her own feelings, when she cries she frequently says, "I cwhyin! I sad, Mommy!" but that same knowledge doesn't translate outside of herself. You can show her a frowning picture and she could label it "Sad." but she doesn't understand what that means for the other person. She is labeling a object, not recognizing the emotions of another person. It all seems very fine line, but I am with her daily and she doesn't grasp the notion that there are feelings that exist outside of herself. She is interactive and loving and all sorts of wonderful things, but awareness of others is not one of those strengths. It falls into that pesky category of abstract concepts that she doesn't have a handle on. But this one, unlike the others, is a bit problematic in every day life. It creates a situation that is very hard to mediate fairly. I won't discipline her for something she can't understand, but I also don't want BubTar to continue having his wee heart stomped on repeatedly. It is a tough spot.
The thing is, and feel free to chime in on this, I don't know if this is a KayTar-specific problem or an age-appropriate problem. The diagnostician at her Big Eval said that emotional awareness isn't usually present at this age, but I know from my experience with BubTar it was, at a much earlier time no less. However, he has a giant heart and a strong emotional awareness in general and it might just be him. From literature I've read, it does seem to be something acquired between the ages of two and three, and from my experiences with other kids KayTar's age it does seems to be something typically present. Most kids, I think, are showing some sort of concern for others by now. If they saw a loved one crying, they might attempt some sort of unprompted comforting. Or maybe just say, "Are you sad?" Or if someone fell down and got hurt, they might acknowledge it in some way. If you have a NT (neuro-typical) child KayTar's age, do they have any sort of emotional awareness outside of themselves yet? Do they acknowledge the feelings of others in any way? Or attempt to extend comfort? If your child doesn't have this sort of awareness, how do you navigate these kinds of situations? And you know, any other sort of information you think would be helpful. It takes a village and the Blogosphere makes a pretty nice little village, I think.
EQ and IQ respectively.
As you might have noticed, BubTar is a kind and sensitive soul, which makes him the ideal sibling for KayTar in a multitude of ways. It almost means the biggest thing he struggles with is keep emotions in check, at least to a point. Weeping and gnashing of teeth is not an appropriate response to "Time to brush your teeth." These are the sorts of things he has to be reminded of frequently, because everything just feels so giant in his heart. On the flipside of that coin, while KayTar can be a highly emotional (sometimes to the point of volatile) little girl, she has no grasp of the feelings of others. She doesn't even understand people HAVE feelings. She surely doesn't understand how someone else's feelings can be hurt or what that even looks like.
So this week, I have been treated to several showing of this little play.
[enter BubTar, stage right. Briskly walks across the stage and dashes up the stairs. A door slams]
Mom: BubTar, what's wrong?
BubTar: She hurt my feelings. She doesn't even CARE. I'm NEVER COMING OUT. NEVER. I WILL JUST STAY IN HERE FOREVER. FOREVER! [cue heaving sobs]
KayTar: Where's BubTar? BUBTAR! Pum back hee-yah!
Me: BubTar is SAD. You made BubTar feel sad.
KayTar: [cue crickets]
Me: BubTar is crying.
KayTar: Stop dat cwhyin.
Me: Say "I'm sorry BubTar."
KayTar: I sorry BubTar.
Me: BubTar! Did you hear that? She said she is sorry.
BubTar: [opens the door]
KayTar: BubTar! Ef you are, BubTar! Come hee-yah!
Me: KayTar, can you HUG BubTar and say you are sorry?
KayTar: [willingly complies]
And off they run together, until it happens the next time.
Then I beat my head against the wall because I don't know how to stop the cycle, except to split them up, which I usually end up doing, at least for a short time. Neither of them are fond of that either, because they do love to be together. Here is my dilemma, Josh and I have explained to BubTar that she doesn't understand what feelings are or how she hurts them. She is only aware of herself. But that doesn't stop his little heart from being stomped on several times a day. And KayTar, she doesn't even know anything has happened, she surely can't rectify it or stop the behavior without knowing what it is. And so I am stuck being the referee between two people who seem to speak completely different languages. BubTar with all his understanding and KayTar with all her knowledge. I don't know how to bridge a gap like that.
KayTar does have some understanding of her own feelings, when she cries she frequently says, "I cwhyin! I sad, Mommy!" but that same knowledge doesn't translate outside of herself. You can show her a frowning picture and she could label it "Sad." but she doesn't understand what that means for the other person. She is labeling a object, not recognizing the emotions of another person. It all seems very fine line, but I am with her daily and she doesn't grasp the notion that there are feelings that exist outside of herself. She is interactive and loving and all sorts of wonderful things, but awareness of others is not one of those strengths. It falls into that pesky category of abstract concepts that she doesn't have a handle on. But this one, unlike the others, is a bit problematic in every day life. It creates a situation that is very hard to mediate fairly. I won't discipline her for something she can't understand, but I also don't want BubTar to continue having his wee heart stomped on repeatedly. It is a tough spot.
The thing is, and feel free to chime in on this, I don't know if this is a KayTar-specific problem or an age-appropriate problem. The diagnostician at her Big Eval said that emotional awareness isn't usually present at this age, but I know from my experience with BubTar it was, at a much earlier time no less. However, he has a giant heart and a strong emotional awareness in general and it might just be him. From literature I've read, it does seem to be something acquired between the ages of two and three, and from my experiences with other kids KayTar's age it does seems to be something typically present. Most kids, I think, are showing some sort of concern for others by now. If they saw a loved one crying, they might attempt some sort of unprompted comforting. Or maybe just say, "Are you sad?" Or if someone fell down and got hurt, they might acknowledge it in some way. If you have a NT (neuro-typical) child KayTar's age, do they have any sort of emotional awareness outside of themselves yet? Do they acknowledge the feelings of others in any way? Or attempt to extend comfort? If your child doesn't have this sort of awareness, how do you navigate these kinds of situations? And you know, any other sort of information you think would be helpful. It takes a village and the Blogosphere makes a pretty nice little village, I think.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Open to interpretation.
Today BubTar doesn't have school. KayTar had speech this morning, and because BubTar spent yesterday morning with my mom due to the Big Eval, I decided to just bring him along with us. He has never come before, because I try to keep his life as normal as possible and schedule him to spend time with people and do fun things in lieu of spending half his time in KayTar-related waiting rooms. He was oddly excited about going and I tried to make it clear it was pretty boring for the two of us, as we just sat quietly and watched the whole time. He was still excited, so I was happy he was coming along to see where we go each week.
Afterwards, I said, "Was it everything you thought it would be?"
And he said, "Mom, I thought there was a STAGE and I thought she could talk like a real WOMAN when I wasn't around. I thought she only acted like a baby at home. I thought we'd be watching her on the stage!"
I guess he has been thinking that she was living a double life as a famous orator who only PRETENDED to be a speech-impaired toddler. The reality was a bit of a let down, I think, just a bit of reading along with some manipulatives. I wonder what other bits of silliness live in that little brain of his.
Afterwards, I said, "Was it everything you thought it would be?"
And he said, "Mom, I thought there was a STAGE and I thought she could talk like a real WOMAN when I wasn't around. I thought she only acted like a baby at home. I thought we'd be watching her on the stage!"
I guess he has been thinking that she was living a double life as a famous orator who only PRETENDED to be a speech-impaired toddler. The reality was a bit of a let down, I think, just a bit of reading along with some manipulatives. I wonder what other bits of silliness live in that little brain of his.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)