My Best Shot Mission Monday

My Best Shot Monday:



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And for Mission Monday (writing in the style of a children's book) I thought I would repost this one from last year. Most of my readers were not around then so it is almost like new. I was pleased to see that the people who originally commented on the post are still around, for the most part, so you all will just have to suffer through it again. And if you want a more updated version, just substitute "toddler" for "baby" and "Kinder" for "PreK". Everything else is still factual. ;)

If you...

If you don't sleep all night, the baby will wake prematurely.

If the baby wakes prematurely, you will have to have two cups of coffee.

If you have two cups of coffee, the baby will fall asleep as soon as it hits your blood stream.

If the baby falls asleep when it hits your bloodstream, it will be time to pick your son up from PreK.

If it is time to pick up your son up from PreK, your mom will come over to watch the baby.

If your mom comes over to watch the baby, she will clean the dishes for your husband.

If she cleans dishes for your husband, you will pick her up lunch on your way home to say thank you.

If you pick up her up lunch on the way home to say thank you, she will have already eaten.

If she has already eaten, she will take the food with her and go home.

If she takes the food with her and goes home, the phone will ring.

If the phone rings, it will be the speech therapist.

If it is the speech therapist, she will ask to come early.

If she comes early, your son will be unable to control himself.

If your son is unable to control himself, you will ask him to lie in bed quietly.

If you ask him to lie in bed quietly, he will cry and cry.

If you hear him cry and cry, you will make him laugh with silliness and fetch his favorite book for him.

If you make him laugh with silliness and fetch his favorite book for him, he will snuggle in happily.

If he snuggles in happily, he will become quiet as a mouse.

If he becomes quiet as a mouse, you will check on him after therapy.

If you check on him after therapy, he will be sound asleep.

If he is sound asleep, you will want to take a nap.

If you want to take a nap, the baby will be wide awake.

If the baby is awake, you will drink 2 cups of coffee.

And repeat.

Hey betch!

What's up? Today is SO annoying. I really should be doing homework instead of writing you, but whatev. In first period Mr. B was playing Christmas music in a loop. I swear, if I have to hear this song one more time, I'm going to go postal. It has been stuck in my head ALL DAY. Plus, I had to miss LUNCH to go to the doctor. Come on, LUNCH? That is the best time of the day! Couldn't I have skipped Home Ec or Child Development instead? Dude. It sucked. Then the wait was super long. I didn't even get to pick up lunch afterwards. What a bummer. That is the only decent reason to miss lunch, getting to eat something besides the same crap you eat every. single. day. Anyhoo, what's up with you? What did you do this weekend? Josh and I hung out, like always. I won't tell you what we did on Saturday, 'cause ladies don't talk or some crap like that. :P Other than that, we just chilled. When you've been dating the same guy for 120 months, things are pretty relaxed. Oh, my sister had her lingerie shower this weekend. Oh man, yummy food, cake, and champagne with grenadine. YUM. It rocked my face off. Then I got lost on the way home. I went the WRONG DIRECTION on the freeway for 15 minutes, which added 30 minutes onto the drive, so it took a freaking HOUR to get home. At least I didn't have to stop to use the bathroom at a skeezy motel like I did a few weeks ago. I told you about that, didn't I? Maybe not. Here's the story just in case. I was headed to the hospital and I had had WAY too much coffee because I had to be up at the butt crack of dawn. Traffic was nutso and was taking double the usual amount of time. I waited until the very LAST minute before pulling off and stopping at the nearest place. Dude. The place had BULLET PROOF GLASS in the lobby between me and the worker. Yeah, coooool feeling. "Can I use your restroom?" The guy looked around and said, "Uhh, see that open room? You can use the bathroom in there." so I did. I was careful not to touch anything (there was a blacklight on the wall, but I would have been terrified to turn it on, if you know what I mean) and used the potty SUPER FAST and bolted. True story. Anyway, computer class is almost over, and I have Child Development next, so I better let you go before the bell rings. Ms. K is SO cranky when I'm late.

TTYL!

Kyla

This post was part of Painted Maypole's Mission Monday to write a post in the style of a high school note. Check out all the other fun entries!

And for authenticity purposes, an actual note from Josh a long, long time ago.