Sunday, December 21, 2008

She is sick.

In other breaking news, the grass is green and the sky is blue! Fish swim! Birds fly!

This time is a little different, though. No matter how sick KayTar has gotten, she never really acts all that sick. Even when she was so sick that she has been hospitalized, she is still a little firecracker. She chats up the nurses, the doctors, the child life specialists. She smiles and laughs and plays silly games with me. She tries to stand up and gurney surf. She uses the angled part of her hospital bed as a slide. She's bursting with life, all the time. Except that she isn't right now.

Yesterday morning I woke her and dressed her to go to the pediatrician's office and she only opened her eyes briefly. She slept in the car. She slept in the stroller. She slept in the waiting room. She slept in the exam room. She barely opened her eyes when the pediatrician started the examination. She didn't fight the strep swab. She didn't fight the nasal swab. After the exam, she whispered, "Put me back in my stroller." She didn't chat with the nurse or the receptionist, she didn't talk the pediatrician's ear off. She woke briefly to vomit. She didn't even muster the strength to cry. Everyone noticed. She's a frequently flyer at the clinic (of course) and she's never been so subdued. It was very sad. It was not, however, strep or the flu or bronchitis or pneumonia or anything else treatable.

She was only awake for maybe four hours total yesterday. She felt too sick and exhausted to be up and around. It is all very unlike her. The quick and dirty summary of the day is: 4 vomits, 1 mega-huge-up-to-the-shoulders diarrhea, 21 ounces of Pedialyte in (some of that back out), 2 wet diapers (in the evening, hooray for OUTPUT!), and 1 mostly unconscious and feverish little girl. I feel a bit like I'm chasing my tail, managing symptoms and trying to keep her hydrated. Little by little it is working, we're not in the hospital yet, she urinated a couple of times yesterday evening. But each time I start to get ahead of it, something else happens. She gets enough fluid that she wets a diaper and then suddenly she has the mega-diarrhea (you know it is mega-diarrhea when you can hear it happen from the next room). We sigh with relief that it was only one mega-diarrhea and then the vomiting returns. KayTar is a boat with many holes and we're not sure which one the fluids are going to come rushing through next. If it wasn't for the g-button, we'd have already been in the hospital for a couple of days now, though.

I've danced this dance, carried this load, many times before...this time it feels clumsier, heavier, because she is feeling it all so keenly. It is easier to bear it, to smile through, when she is dancing and laughing in spite of it all. This time, she is not dancing and laughing and the resulting stillness and silence echoes through the house and in my bones.

She woke up today at noon, about an hour ago. Her diaper was wet and her nose was bleeding. I cleaned her up and gave her some Pedialyte through her tube. She said, "Mommy, you can watch your show in the bed and I will sleep next to you." So that is what we did for a while. She actually felt good enough to get up for a while and she's sitting next to me, playing on the Noggin website. She'll be wiped out in a half hour or so and we'll go back to bed, the land of snuggles and snoozes. I'll give her more fluids and lay beside her watching her small chest rise and fall while she sleeps, content to know that even if I can't fix this for her, I can make it a little easier just by being within reach.

24 comments:

flutter said...

oof.

Becca said...

Poor little thing! And poor Kyla!

Chrissy said...

So sad, for you and for her. I hope today is better.

Chickenbells said...

Poor sweet baby! Get well very very soon little one...

Bea said...

Bub slept all day yesterday - and then got up and lay down on the living room carpet, his cheek pressed into it whispering, "I feel better!" and smiling beatifically. Then he slept again for about twelve hours more. Today he's all better - hope Kaytar is soon too!

alejna said...

Oh dear. Poor KayTar. It must be so unsettling to see her acting so sick.

I'll be thinking of you all. Hoping for better news son.

InTheFastLane said...

I hate it when they are that sick. It is so sad, and sadder still when there is nothing you can do.

kittenpie said...

This is where I'm so glad you have the tube so you can fight iyt with liquids and hopefully avoid another hospital and IV! But wow - 21 oz? The Bun drinks 30-36 a day, though milk, which is not the same, but still. That is still little. I can imagine that being worrisome!

Kristin said...

Oh Kyla. What is going on with this poor girl? I hate that it's hitting her so hard this time, whatever it is. It doesn't sound like KayTar. :(

Reminds me of that time when AJ's Adam slept for 22 out of 24 hours when he was a little over two. Scary scary!

scarbie doll said...

I don't know how you find the strength each time, but I think you are so awesome. I am sending you strength my friend. And send K healing vibes. Enough suckage for your family for one year!

crazymumma said...

oh sweet sweet baby!

tierd said...

I pray for peace and strength for you, health and healing for her. I hope things turn around very soon. Thinking of you all and hope for good news very, very soon.

Bon said...

Kyla, i ached reading this, for her and for you.

cori said...

Kyla I wish I had some words to make this better.
Please know that we are praying for little Kaytar and the rest of the family.

mamatulip said...

I've been thinking of you guys all weekend...how is the little love today?

Beck said...

Poor bunny. Is she feeling any better today?

Jaden Paige said...

It makes my heart ache that she is going through this right now, at this time of year, and is not able to enjoy her days and fill everyone's life with light, as she usually does. Here's hoping this sickness backs off and today is a better day...

Magpie said...

Oh your poor little girlie. I hope she feels better soon.

jen said...

kyla full of grace.

i am so sorry.

~aj~ said...

It is so hard to hear how sick she is, especially since she is 100% NOT herself.

I'm praying that today is a better day than yesterday.

crazymumma said...

I just came back to see if she were any better today.....

Sheila @ Dr Cason.org said...

Oh no. I hope she gets better soon Kyla!

tiff said...

Oh! Poor baby.
I hope she feels better soon and that she can stay out of the hospital and if you need the hospital, it is swift and helps her to heal so she can enjoy some of the holiday.

I hope you are okay too. It's hard to watch when your baby is sick like that.
Hugs

Aliki2006 said...

I'm just catching up--I'm so sorry she's so sick. I knew L. was really sick (last year with pneumonia) when all he wanted to do was sleep, too.

Speedy recovery vibes to her, and restful vibes you.