Monday, December 01, 2008

Morning and night

In the morning she wakes before me, popping upright in bed. Her first words are, as always, "Where's Daddy? Where's BubTar?" It is the way she makes sense of the day. If Daddy and BubTar are home, it is the weekend or a rare vacation, if they are gone, it is a school day. I mumble in from my semi-conscious state, "Daddy is at work. BubTar is at school." She starts to whine, but I cushion the blow quickly by saying, "That means you get to go to school today, too! Won't that be fun?" Her tune changes, "Oh yes, that will be fun, I will get to see my friends and my teacher and every-fing! Let's get out of bed! Let's go now, Mommy, let's go." I beg her, "Please, let's just lay here for a minute, let Mommy's eyes open a little." She tosses herself back onto the pillow, "Okay, let's wait." She watches me closely, I imagine, because as soon as I pry one of my sleepy eyes open in a half-squint, she is cheering, "You're doing it, Mommy! You're doing it! You're opening your eyes! Now blink like THIS. YAY MOMMY!" Still squinting I reach over and pull her to me, she giggles all the way. I kiss her forehead and cheeks and she exclaims, "Do it again. Kiss me on my eyes! Kiss me on my chin! Kiss me faster! You're so silly, Mommy." She laughs and I smile a sleepy smile. She collapses next to me and breathe her in and close my eyes. She senses my relaxation and prods, "Are your eyes open? Are we ready to go? Let's go, Mommy!" I sit up with a growl and tickle her. She giggles and wiggles. Finally, I pry myself from the warmth of our big bed and we start our day together.

****

At night I lay with her in bed. She says, "Pull me over there, Mommy, closer!" I grab her pillow and pull it closer to my pillow, so close that the edge is tucked beneath my own. She giggles. "Now hug me!" I wrap my arm around her and she nuzzles her forehead against mine. I brush her hair back and kiss her forehead, her eyelids. I whisper, "I love you. You're my best girl." I run my finger down her little nose. She breathes out, "You're my best mommy." She sighs loudly and wiggles her little body one last time. I lie there in the quiet, listening to the rhythm of her breathing as it slows. I watch her eyelids flutter. I smooth her hair back. I trace the lines of her face with my eyes, committing her silhouette to memory. I kiss her little knuckles, still clenching her blankey. I watch for a response, a reflexive movement, but there is none. I roll away from her slowly, tentatively, I sit up on the edge of the bed, then I stand and scurry swiftly and silently from the room.

21 comments:

alejna said...

Oh, that was beautiful. I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Vicky said...

My eight year old "baby" came into my bed in the middle of the night last night. In the past few months it's gone from every single night without fail (We never minded and just let him stay with us - cosleeping's normal in Japan) to only occasionally. I had forgotten how cosy cuddly it was. It's nice to have our bed (mostly!) back but this morning and your post just now left me nostalgic for the cuddles, too.

Dr. Cason said...

That was delightful.It your word's, I could see my children's faces.

ewe are here said...

You have a lovely, lovely girl.

Bon said...

oh sniff. that was beautiful. they are magical when they're little like this, aren't they?

at least sometimes.

though if she's that sweet i'm not sure how you'll ever get back to sleeping without her. ;)

tierd said...

So, so sweet. You are an awesome Mom and she is an incredible little girl.

Mimi said...

What a lovely post, really nice.

mamatulip said...

Julia says that to me too, "You're my best Mummy." This made me tear up.

Jaden Paige said...

Awww... *sigh* Every time I read one of your entries about the love you have for your children, it makes me tear up thinking of my own daughter... It's amazing what they can do for us and just HOW MUCH we love them, isn't it?

~aj~ said...

Oh, I love this! It gave me super warm fuzzies and had me smiling through the whole thing.

It's amazing how much ya'lls routine resembles the one we have with Adam. Matt gets all those bedtime snuggles and tiptoes from the room and every morning Adam ends up in our bed where I get the morning snuggles. He also has to cheer me on to get me out of bed some mornings. :)

Hetha said...

She's so sweet Kyla! What a beautiful post!

Gretchen said...

Kyla--that was gorgeous. I love KayTar's discussions with you (Yay Mommy--you're doing it!) and I think you are an amazing mom.

Amy Y said...

So sweet... Isn't it fun being mommy?

Woman in a Window said...

Poignant moments. Well written, down the the kisses on the eyes. Well lived, too.

InTheFastLane said...

the moments we think we will never forget.

Chaotic Joy said...

Beautiful. The moments and the words.

sheree said...

awww. That was super sweet. :)

Dawn said...

(Big sigh!) These sweet moments are too soon distant memories. I'm treasuring all mine and I know you do too!!

Jerri Ann said...

It's kind of like that at my house except about an hour and a half before time for the oldest to get out of school, the second one puts his shoes on and goes to the door with toys and asks every few minutes "is time to get bubba yet?....

Gwen said...

I guess that makes the sleeping together easier to take, right?

And it's certainly better than what I've been hearing lately way too often: "You're the meanest Mommy I ever had!"

Aliki2006 said...

Sweet...

I know the snuggles you write about!