Whatever gets you through today

I called the insurance board yesterday and spoke with someone.

I said, "My daughter's policy is being canceled and she is being denied for private insurance coverage."

She said, "So she has a pre-existing condition then?"

I said, "Yes, I suppose. Something like that."

She said, "Well, you can call the high risk pool--"

"We already did that. My husband's employer offers group coverage, but it is way out of the price range we can afford. They said even so, she couldn't be in the high risk pool."

"Oh, yes. That is correct. If you have group coverage available, they won't cover you."

"Do I have any other options to pursue?"

"No."

"Okay. I guess that's it then."

"Bye."

And then I hung up the phone, my eyes welling up with tears and my heart clenching in my chest.

I thought, I hoped, that somehow this would be the point of solution, that I would call and find I'd have misunderstood something along the way or that they would have a solution I hadn't heard of just waiting for me. It felt like the last unturned stone and once I lifted it, I would find what I have been searching for. Now there are no more stones to be turned. No answers just waiting to be found, we only have decisions waiting to be made. Decisions we'd rather not make. Pay cuts, second jobs, night jobs. If we choose the pay cut, Josh will technically be capped out at work. He will be unable to receive raises...by choice. That just makes me feel sick. A second job or a night job likely will not offer benefits, but it would help finance Josh's crappy work insurance. Josh's work insurance costs almost three times as much as the pay cut amount would be and the benefits are not early as comprehensive as SCHIP. A pay cut could financially handicap us...because if it makes things too tight, how can we rectify that? The alternative is that I could work nights on the nights I'm not in school or Josh could get a second job. The sacrifices there are sleep and Josh seeing the kids when they are actually awake. I don't know, really, what we'll do. There are no good choices to be made, but there are still choices to be made nonetheless.

Alright, enough of that. I have to go study for a 5 chapter A&P exam that we scarcely covered in class. He went over two entire chapters in one class period (last night) because he was in a hurry to get out the door to go hear Obama speak. As much as I like Obama and I would have wanted to get out of there, too, I wish he would have just pushed the test back one day and given the material the attention it needed. I feel totally unprepared. I could have skipped class last night and read my text and learned more than I did last night. So, I have two chapters to teach myself today and three more to review for the exam. Plus, KayTar woke up two hours early this morning, effectively eating up all the time I would have had to quietly work today until it is quiet once again at nap time. It is going to be FUN trying to study with a wide awake (and very cranky) two year old! And I won't have study time tomorrow because I have to take KayTar to the geneticist and that eats up roughly 6 hours or so. You WANT to be me right now, don't you? I know, I know. Try not to be jealous, though. ;)

PS: When you can't think of a title, just use the name of the song that happens to be playing when you hit publish. Handy!