We hate sports, basically, so Superbowl Sunday is just another Sunday for us. Josh is cleaning the garage, the kids are napping, and I'm on the computer, stalling before taking a Philosophy test. Other tasks I am avoiding include, but are not limited to laundry, putting away piles of Legos on the floor beside me, cleaning the bathroom sink, and changing the bedsheets. I am also delaying a trip to the store to buy a box of Legos to hot glue to BubTar's 100th Day of School t-shirt, just because I don't feel like leaving the house yet. Sometimes, I'm lazy.
A quick note on yesterday's post. I've LOVED all the input, really it is nice to see that kiddos this age sometimes do and sometimes don't have this particular awareness. It is always nice to find that something might not just be KayTar being so KayTar, it might be KayTar being human in general. I also think perhaps I left you all with a bit of a disadvantage because of where I chose to begin the script, so I will now give you a typical precursor to that particular section of the script of our lives.
KayTar: CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE! (this somehow means, I would like to roll balls back and forth with you, BubTar. Don't ask. We speak a foreign language sometimes)
BubTar: Okay, KayTar!
KayTar: [happily rolls balls to BubTar]
BubTar: I know! Let's play hide and seek with the balls! That will be fun! I'll be right back, KayTar. [scampers off with all the balls]
KayTar: [doesn't understand what BubTar said, thinks what the heck just happened?] CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE!!!! [insert bloodcurdling screams/neighbors calling CPS]
BubTar: KayTar, stop screaming at me. It hurts my FEELINGS!
KayTar: [cannot hear BubTar at all] [MORE SCREAMING!]
BubTar: [flees the room in tears]
You see, this is our typical issue. KayTar has something in mind or is playing a certain way. BubTar steps in and interferes with her independent play or changes the rules of cooperative play, she gets confused and goes a wee bit ballistic. Once she combusts, we can't do anything but remove her from the situation to calm down. BubTar on the other hand is usually trying to be kind and jump in to play with her, or make things more fun. She loves playing hide and seek, so honestly, playing hide and seek with the balls sounds right up her alley. KayTar react explosively to his kindness and he is injured because he was just trying to be nice and she reacts in such a negative way. This happens roughly 600 times per day.
But in a situation like that, who is at fault, really? Yes, BubTar interfered with her play, but he was attempting to be nice (usually). Yes, KayTar OVERREACTS, but she isn't trying to be mean or hurtful, she feels violated somehow and reacts to it. She doesn't break his toys or hit or push him. She doesn't understand enough how emotions work to do something that purposefully elicits a negative reaction. So I am left with two children, both in tears, and I don't know the proper way to proceed, except to occasionally split them up and then practically sit on them while they play, even then, it continues to happen. I know this sibling stuff is normal and I know to an extent the frustrated screaming of toddlerhood can be normal, but it feels like I'm dealing with two people from separate and foreign cultures. They both keep perpetrating perceived wrongs based on the others culture and don't understand what they are doing that is offensive or hurtful. The natives are restless and from different tribes.
We always, always try to explain things. Although, the explanations go over KayTar's head and they don't do much to soothe poor BubTar's heart. We also have KayTar apologize for making him sad and hope that one day it will click for her. We explain to BubTar why she got so upset in the first place, too. But for now, it is the endless cycle of our days.
Well, that was NOT exactly a quick note and so the real post I was planning on for today will just have to wait. If anyone has further suggestions or input on this, keep it coming. It really is helpful.