Saturday, February 16, 2008

Oh yeah, Valentine's Day...

I thought I was going to say it was a lovely day, but honestly, it was a really hard day with some nice moments stuck in here and there. Poor BubTar was SO excited to give me my gift, he was awake and sobbing at 3 in the morning, begging for it to be time already. We talked him into a big more sleeping but first thing after the sun peeked out, he was in my bed saying "Open it! Open it!" and I did. He bought me a Bionicle, which are his very favorite toys in the world. And yes, it really is mine, he didn't secretly buy it for me so that he could use it. He hasn't asked to borrow it once. He just wanted me to have something VERY special and to him, that toy is VERY special. He even ran right past his own gift to give me mine, because he is such a sweethearted boy.

The night before Josh and I put up streamers and blew up balloons so they kids would have something fun to wake up to. Last year we did this, too, but KayTar was really too small to notice it much. This year she was delighted to wake up to it all. She had such fun.

I had to go to school and take a lab practical that night, so Josh took the kids over to his parents for a little Valentine thing they were doing, and afterwards, he and I went out to the movies while my mom sat the kiddos. All day I had been in such a funk...this insurance stuff is eating my lunch, to be honest...and he kept kindly saying "Do you even want to go? We don't have to, you know. Really, we don't!" but I DID want to go...in fact, it was the only thing I wanted from the day, to slump into a dark movie theater seat, sip my drink, and turn my brain off entirely. I just didn't want to do ANYTHING else ALL DAY LONG, which was why I was in a bit of a unenthusiastic mood.

On the way, we discussed the insurance situation in increasingly frustrated and intense tones until I blurted out, "WELL THE WHOLE SITUATION IS SHITTY, JOSH." with perhaps a bit too much feeling (although I'm giving myself points for not using the f-word like I did in my head). He quietly said, "Are you upset?" And I said, "Well, you know, it all just sucks." and he said, "No...upset with me?" and I assured him I wasn't because, well, I wasn't. And he said, "Yeah, it all does suck." And then we changed the subject or turned up the radio or cracked a joke and sat together in the car with this buzzing frustration that had nothing to do with each other bouncing around us. It doesn't sound all that nice or romantic, but it was...knowing someone is on your team, agreeing about how shitty something is, sitting together and knowing you are thinking about the same terrible thing, can be a pretty nice Valentine's Day gift, really. Because maybe all day long you had just been waiting for the chance to belt out exactly how you felt about it all to someone who would look you in the eyes and understand exactly what you were feeling, and do nothing but nod his head and squeeze your hand. Maybe that coupled with the not-so-great movie and the cocktail made it just about the best date you could imagine on that particular day. Because when it comes down to it, love has nothing to do with boxes of chocolates or roses on some arbitrary calendar date, but it has everything to do with the honesty tucked into these everyday moments, the daily unspoken choices to move forward together, thankful for each other, even when things aren't easy.

23 comments:

jen said...

Kyla, your grace. Josh's perseverance.

It amounts to so much. You know, don't you, that something is going to come from this. The amount of attention your story is getting, something will come from this. it has to.

InTheFastLane said...

That you two will make it out the other side of all of this, ok, is sometimes what will help you make it through. There has to be a light.

flutter said...

honestly the two of you, just amaze me.

ewe are here said...

Real love means not just enjoying the good times, but facing the hard times together and coming through the other side.

You are blessed to be in this with Josh. You two sound like you make a wonderful team.

Lisa b said...

BubTar just melts my heart.

Glad you had a good date night with Josh.

Aliki2006 said...

You are 100% so right about those last lines. I get fed-up with Valentine's Day sometimes because it all does seem to be about chocolates and expensive gifts and expectations. But you're right--it IS just about the ability to have someone with you every step of the way, someone who understands.

Hang in there...

Beck said...

Nothing soothes worries like one of those huge movie theater drinks.

Praying that a good answer shows up.

Julie said...

Ahhhhh...yes...yes it does. That is true love. And that warms my heart.

raehan said...

I know exactly what you mean. Thanks for bringing some memories back to me.

The insurance situation sucks...big time. i've been reading your recent posts and feeling for you.

You should write to some of the people working for better healthcare in this country and offer to be a spokesperson.

Chrissy said...

Amen to that last paragraph. Hoping for better days soon.

painted maypole said...

a really lovely testimony to love... through good and bad.

and the bionicle thing is too sweet.

I love decorating the house and having MQ wake up or come home to find it. She runs through the house looking for all the new things I've put up.

cinnamon gurl said...

You're so right. I hope you get some better answers soon.

janethesane said...

Great post. Marriage is built on those moments you describe. I would much rather my husband help me clean puke up or make me dinner than buy me an expensive gift (that we can't afford) or something like that.

Just bloghoppin' but I'll be back.

Sarcasta-Mom said...

That truely is a great Valentine's Day. Isn't it amazing how sweet kids can be, and how big their hearts are? It still surprises me every day.

I'm so glad I found your blog. I just know things will turn out all right for you guys in the end. Your family is so special and full of love, there's no way you can fail :)

Hetha said...

I love those last few lines and have read them over again because you said it so beautifully. You and Josh are so lucky to have one another through it all, and I have so much faith that things are going to work out for your family.

Lawyer Mama said...

You said it sweety. That is what love and marriage is all about.

And that BubTar is just the sweetest.

Wonders said...

You say it so well!

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

You amaze me. Your whole family does.

You have have been dealt a shit hand with this healthcare stuff but my God, you guys are lucky to have each other.

~aj~ said...

First of all, I just want to scoop BubTar up and cover him with kisses! How sweet was he with that V-day gift! He's going to make some lucky gal very happy someday.

So glad that you and Josh have one another, especially during hard times like this.

PJ said...

The honesty of everyday moments!! What a definition of love. I still say you have the heart of a poet, Kyla!

Janet said...

Kyla, you nailed it: the shitty part and the love part.

Mimi said...

This is a really beautiful post, Kyla. This is kinda what love really looks like, eh? You're lucky to have each other.

kittenpie said...

I'm sorry it has to be so hard.
But I'm so glad you have each other, and find strength in each other this way.

You know, I am not a religious person, but this is perhaps the first time I've ever felt the urge to say, "God bless you." It's just this sort of time when I hope there really is something there for someone like you who could use some looking over and a little helping hand from above, right about now. My thoughts are with you, Kyla.