Oh yeah, Valentine's Day...

I thought I was going to say it was a lovely day, but honestly, it was a really hard day with some nice moments stuck in here and there. Poor BubTar was SO excited to give me my gift, he was awake and sobbing at 3 in the morning, begging for it to be time already. We talked him into a big more sleeping but first thing after the sun peeked out, he was in my bed saying "Open it! Open it!" and I did. He bought me a Bionicle, which are his very favorite toys in the world. And yes, it really is mine, he didn't secretly buy it for me so that he could use it. He hasn't asked to borrow it once. He just wanted me to have something VERY special and to him, that toy is VERY special. He even ran right past his own gift to give me mine, because he is such a sweethearted boy.

The night before Josh and I put up streamers and blew up balloons so they kids would have something fun to wake up to. Last year we did this, too, but KayTar was really too small to notice it much. This year she was delighted to wake up to it all. She had such fun.

I had to go to school and take a lab practical that night, so Josh took the kids over to his parents for a little Valentine thing they were doing, and afterwards, he and I went out to the movies while my mom sat the kiddos. All day I had been in such a funk...this insurance stuff is eating my lunch, to be honest...and he kept kindly saying "Do you even want to go? We don't have to, you know. Really, we don't!" but I DID want to go...in fact, it was the only thing I wanted from the day, to slump into a dark movie theater seat, sip my drink, and turn my brain off entirely. I just didn't want to do ANYTHING else ALL DAY LONG, which was why I was in a bit of a unenthusiastic mood.

On the way, we discussed the insurance situation in increasingly frustrated and intense tones until I blurted out, "WELL THE WHOLE SITUATION IS SHITTY, JOSH." with perhaps a bit too much feeling (although I'm giving myself points for not using the f-word like I did in my head). He quietly said, "Are you upset?" And I said, "Well, you know, it all just sucks." and he said, "No...upset with me?" and I assured him I wasn't because, well, I wasn't. And he said, "Yeah, it all does suck." And then we changed the subject or turned up the radio or cracked a joke and sat together in the car with this buzzing frustration that had nothing to do with each other bouncing around us. It doesn't sound all that nice or romantic, but it was...knowing someone is on your team, agreeing about how shitty something is, sitting together and knowing you are thinking about the same terrible thing, can be a pretty nice Valentine's Day gift, really. Because maybe all day long you had just been waiting for the chance to belt out exactly how you felt about it all to someone who would look you in the eyes and understand exactly what you were feeling, and do nothing but nod his head and squeeze your hand. Maybe that coupled with the not-so-great movie and the cocktail made it just about the best date you could imagine on that particular day. Because when it comes down to it, love has nothing to do with boxes of chocolates or roses on some arbitrary calendar date, but it has everything to do with the honesty tucked into these everyday moments, the daily unspoken choices to move forward together, thankful for each other, even when things aren't easy.