Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Last night I dreamed

Of nursing a baby. My baby.

A brand new, pink-skinned, downy haired baby.

A fuzzy baby head like KayTar's with a scruffy puppy neck like BubTar's.

The most delicious tiny fingers wrapped around my own.

Small feet pressing against me, while I hummed a lullaby.

The biggest blue eyes.

The softest skin.

The warmth and scent of a newborn babe.

The sound of suckling, the grunted breaths of a nursing newborn.

The small beating flutter of a tiny heart against my palm.

I dozed as the baby drank. As my baby drank.

And then I woke to empty arms.

27 comments:

Family Adventure said...

Hug that dream close to your heart, until you can make it a reality!

Heidi

I've been checking your friend's website about Jakiepoo -- my heart aches for them. Please make sure you tell them that there are many, many people around the world wishing them peace.

painted maypole said...

what is it with all you bloggers (beck, too) posting about baby desires. it's killing me!!! (because I feel it, too. now stop, already!)

motherbumper said...

Isn't it amazing how vivid those dreams are?

Don Mills Diva said...

Oh - I am starting to have those dreams too. Lovely, vivid post.

~aj~ said...

You just tell me when and I'm whipping out my bag of baby dust to send your way! I can't wait for you to possibly have another baby someday. There's nothing like those sweet, snuggly newborns.

Mama Drama Jenny said...

I've had that dream.

I spend the day feeling as if I've lost something priceless.

Maddy said...

It does get 'better' but it never really, truly goes away.
Best wishes

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

Karen said...

sometimes I feel I am surrounded by women confidently claiming to be "done, done, done" and I wonder will I ever feel quite that way?

Janet said...

I would find that a most delicious-yet-melancholy dream.

Becca said...

Oh, Kyla! Maybe one day? I don't know what to say except I know how you feel.

Chaotic Joy said...

Oh sad sweetness. I feel as each month brings me farther and farther away from Clara's infancy I feel more and more okay with not doing it again. But still, every once and a while, there is that ache. I guess that never completely goes away does it.

InTheFastLane said...

I've had that dream.

Of course, I have also had the dream where I give birth to a full grown man who proceeds to walk across the delivery room and introduce himself to the family.

Beck said...

Baaaaaaaaby.
Sigh.

Kristin said...

I dream of another too...but daydreams.

Gretchen said...

Baby dreams are the most haunting, aren't they! Aside from the insurance, I say DO IT! You really never have enough time or money (so you think). Well, 5 babies later, I'm really not that much worse than I was when we got married.

Lisa b said...

Kyla, it is not fair how life messed with your plans, but you handle it with such grace.

Christine said...

oh.

maybe it s not a dream. maybe a premonition.

{{hugs}}

Junie's Blog said...

sounds like a lovely dream . . . and one day a reality.

carrie said...

Oh, I have those dreams all the time. It is worse when I've been close to a newborn, making those newborn noises that I've forgotten . . . it makes my heart ache, even though I'm "done".

Aliki2006 said...

What a beautiful, melancholy dream! I ache sometimes to nurse again. I think what makes it better for me is knowing that I would ache whether I had 2 or 3 or 4 kids. I think it's inevitable to feel that sense of loss...

crazymumma said...

dreams can become real.

I hope yours does.

Julie said...

I held my friend's 8-day old baby the other day and I almost wept. Ahhhh....the cuddly warm feeling of a new born babe...

jen said...

a foreshadowing, now. isn't it?

flutter said...

I can relate

nomotherearth said...

maybe it's a sign of things to come?

Julie Pippert said...

Vivid dreams are so bittersweet.

I wonder if...with all you have going on just now...maybe your heart sent you a dream to give hope for the future? Not per se a baby down the road (although I know how you'd like that) but just...simply...the future. With peace and love.

(HUGS)

Julie
Using My Words

Amy said...

***Hugs**

I know that is such a desire in your heart.