Sunday, November 23, 2008

Once upon a time...

I wrote tonight, deeply and skillfully. The post sits with my other drafts, it is highly unlikely that it will ever be published. It is the story of a young girl and a young boy, bumbling towards ecstasy for the first time. It made me smile and laugh, those poor awkward kids, all elbows and nerves. Now, though, the warm elixir of words seems to have run dry, every drip and drop used up in the writing of that post...that secret post that will never see the light of day.

It is NaBloPoMo, though, and write and publish, I must. I could hurry and write something passable, but instead I pose a question to you...do you ever write simply for yourself? Pour yourself into something that no eyes but your own will ever see? Is it contrary to your blogging nature? Do you feel that your words are wasted if they can't be shared?

Tonight was the first time in a long time I wrote with that intention. I knew as soon as I put words on the page it would likely be for me and only me. It was oddly satisfying to write for myself, though, the pride I felt in the way I weaved the words together made me long to share them. If I had written about anything else, I'd likely have posted it in the end, but, alas, the fear of making my first sexual experience accessible via Google outweighs the desire to share my writing. We all draw the line somewhere, and if I hadn't drawn it, a certain young boy turned husband and father of two just might have.

15 comments:

crazymumma said...

am I the first?

figures.

Yes I sometimes write for myself, but my writing is because I am a blogger so I crave audience.

and you know. Some things need to be kept private. Howza bout giving it to him with the intention of a romanic evening.

Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

You just reminded me of a similar story I wrote a long time ago, except it was kind of a lark b/c I used all the jargon from romance novels, like "until they were spent" and "pleasure" that I would never say in real life.

Since I started blogging, I don't write for myself much anymore, although I do have many posts that I haven't published for one reason or another. My best friend and I once wrote a contract to each other that we would destroy each other's journals if anything ever happened to us so that no one would ever read our personal diaries. And now I blog it all out there, go figure!

mamatulip said...

Yes. I do, often, and I think it is important to write in that manner. I think it's important to have things - words - that are just for you.

Kristin said...

Yup, sure do have secret posts...I know I share a lot on my blog as it is, but I do keep a lot of stuff to myself too.

carrie said...

You can read it to him when you finally get your bed back! ;)

carrie said...

Oh - and yes, I write just for me too! Sometimes it just feels really good to get the words out, for my own sake.

InTheFastLane said...

That is how the novel started. I had such a hard time writing about sex, though...

natalie said...

I think writing for yourself is a wonderful, thoughtful experience. We get so caught up in the "must put it out there" frenzy, that sometimes I forget to write FOR ME. For M. Sometimes I want to be dramatic and exhaustive, but that's not my true writing style, so I hesitate to put it out there, instead relying on my old "natalie" voice that everyone is used to reading. Almost like putting on a funky outfit, but changing at the last minute because you don't want to deal with the social commentary that will surely follow.

So, keep your slinky nightgown for yourself. Put the kids to bed a few minutes early tonight and share it with the boy who used to be all elbows and gawkiness. Kiss his sweet face until you realize you're both grown ups and then...well, then do what it is you do best together.

~aj~ said...

I agree that you should definitely share your latest writing with Josh!

I do not write for 'just me'. I have a LOT of thoughts/feelings that I don't even come close to sharing on my blog. I just share it all with Matt, my mom, a close friend and most often with God. He gets to hear a LOT of my personal thoughts that others aren't privvy to.

jo(e) said...

I write for myself all the time. I've kept a journal since I was about seven, and I've several boxes of them, piles of spiral-bound notebooks. No one else is allowed to read them. I've got poems on my computer's hard drive too that no one will ever see.

Sometime I pull something out of a journal and make it into a blog post or a poem that will get published, but probably 90 percent of what I write is read only by me.

Katie said...

That's half the reason I switched to wordpress...I wanted the option to write my heart out just for me. Because sometimes, it just ain't pretty ;)

motherbumper said...

All the time, if you could read my draft folder, you'd probably know me better than I know myself. That said, very few of those will see the light of day.

Beck said...

I took a writing class once and we had to write about sex one time and I discovered - to my horror, since I've never thought of myself as an inhibited person - that I absolutely can NOT write about sex. In case you were wondering whether I sat at home on cold nights, writing erotica and chortling.

Beck said...

I took a writing class once and we had to write about sex one time and I discovered - to my horror, since I've never thought of myself as an inhibited person - that I absolutely can NOT write about sex. In case you were wondering whether I sat at home on cold nights, writing erotica and chortling.

Lisa b said...

I've been writing offline for a month or so now. It is freeing.
but Kyla bumbling out of wedlock! NO??!