If I had written this post on Tuesday night, it would have been titled,
"Student-Motherhood: This Sh!t is Hard."
Tuesday, as luck would have it, was one of those clusterflucky days that seem to crop up when you have something really, really important going on. For me, that really, REALLY important thing was taking a history exam in the morning, and then studying for organic chemistry for the rest of my life, or until 8:30 am on Wednesday, whichever came first (because let's face it, it might kill me). KayTar had an iffy morning, very congested, but she had no fever, so we decided to send her. I sent the nurse a quick email to let her know the specifics and hoped for the best. After completing my history exam, I skipped Music, so I could get home to study, and on my way home I got a call from the school nurse. KayTar had vomited in the cafeteria during lunch and she was chilling with her BFF the nurse. They were wondering which meds to give, basically, because KayTar had decided she just needed a little rest with the nurse and then she could go back to class. I told the nurse my best guess on the proper meds for this situation (which was mucus/cough-induced vomiting, not VOMIT-vomiting) and said that if they were sure she felt well enough to stay, I'd let her. I went home and studied until it was pick-up time. In the evening, KayTar was much worse. Coughing, vomiting (still from congestion), diarrhea (HA HA, Universe...my chronically constipated kid suddenly has the runs, and I'm changing diapers left and right instead of studying. SO HILARIOUS.) Josh and BubTar were committed to a Cub Scout engagement that night, so that left me with my books and the sickie. It was like ping-pong...chemistry-KayTar, KayTar-chemistry, chemistry-KayTar..."Mom, I pooped my pull-up." "Mom, I threw up on the floor." "COUGH, COUGH, COUGH-GAG." all evening. Then the boys got home and Josh had a paper that was due in AN HOUR that he hadn't typed or proofread yet. I abandoned my studying to get BubTar fed and ready for bed while Josh frantically typed his paper. Once his paper was done, he took over the kids and I went back to the book. I put in 11-12 hours into studying, but I was interrupted approximately 2.5 million times. It was hard and frustrating and there were several moments when I wondered what the hell I was doing, but I kept at it. In the morning, I got up a little earlier than usual to go over a few things I was still struggling with remembering and went through my index cards a few times. I had serious doubts that I was retaining anything. I dropped KayTar off at my mom's house and went to take my exam. I still don't know my grade, but I can say that when I started that test, I was relieved to see that I recognized/understood nearly all of it. There were 3 that I was fairly unsure of, but the rest I either knew or was able to reason my way through. I did not leave class with that dreaded, "OMG, I just totally bombed that." feeling I experienced once or twice in general chemistry. I really hope I did well, because I worked hard for it.
As difficult as Tuesday was, and as difficult as so many days have seemed lately between school and sick kids and other minor crises, I can't help but recognize how lucky I am. I'm lucky to have a goal that I'm so passionate about that I can torture myself like this and feel like it is all worthwhile. I'm lucky to be in a partnership where we both support each other in our educational endeavors. It makes it tough sometimes, balancing our unique kind of family life with TWO parents in college when one has a full time job, but it also adds a level of understanding to our relationship that we wouldn't have if we weren't both going through similar struggles. I'm lucky that I not only have great family support within my marriage, but in my family in general. My kids are so excited about me pursing this, they love that I'm going to school so I can become a doctor. They are always asking me about what I did in school and how my grades are, just like I do with them. My parents help out so much with the kids, especially watching them when they are home sick and I have to go to class. I absolutely could not be doing this without all of that support. I still think I'm certifiably insane to be doing this, but at the same time I can't imagine NOT doing it...and that makes me pretty lucky, I think.
PS: I changed the blog title, in case you were confused when you saw this in your reader.
8 comments:
...i think i'm having that day today, on a smaller scale, because let's face it, i'm wimpier than you. ;)
but yeh, the panic when i pick Oscar up and realize how sick he is and we're going to need to go to the clinic or ER and i have a conference presentation in 36 hrs i haven't even finished the slides for and 200+ more pages to read for Monday and a paper to write and...gah.
but you're right. we're lucky. i too have an incredibly supportive partner who rolls with it far better than i do. and i love what i'm doing, in the big picture. i just need to learn from you, as you're further down the road than i am. breathe. it'll happen. it'll all get done.
hope KayTar is feeling better.
I like the new title and header image that goes with it. However, I find it hard to read against this new background.
Otherwise, I love your blog.
Anon: I made the font darker, is that helpful? I'm still toying around with things, so I may not keep this particular background...just giving it a try. I appreciate the input!
Man, that shit IS hard! Hats off to both of you. You guys are a great team and have a great family to show for it. We had both kids while one or both of us was in grad school and ironically, it really does help when you are BOTH in school so you get what the other is going through. You're doing great!
Thanks, Kyla. It's a little easier to read, but still not the best. *shrug* I love the colors in the picture, but it's just harder for me. I have to scroll it so the text is on the blue part of the background. It may just be me. Do what suits you and I'll adapt.
Thanks again for writing this blog. It brings a lot of issues people don't think about to the forefront. I don't think I've commented before, but you are just amazing. Without you and reading this blog, I would never have thought to write to my congressman about SCHIP. (He wrote me back telling me how wrong I was, but hey, I tried. And I'll keep trying to get him voted out of office, too.)
Cheri
And this, my friend, is why you got the rockstar saint comment. Because a few bumps in my day and I fall apart. And that's an easy day for you. Thanks for the perspective. It's an honor to be your internet stalker.
Oh, and I can read your blog fine. So maybe making the font darker worked.
Seriously Kyla, my brain can't comprehend what your day must have been like. I remember studying for Organic and feeling like my head was going to explode. I pulled I don't know how many all-nighters. It was stressful and miserable and I HATED it...and the only person I had to be responsible for was ME!
And here I am with my 3 little munchkins that I love dearly, but some days are just SO HARD. And all I'm doing is being a mommy.
Combining the two??? It blows my mind!
I'm so proud of you though. You somehow always manage to multi-task it perfectly and I know much of that is due to your amazing support system. Kudos to them! And I hope you kicked-butt on that test!
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