Monday, March 24, 2008

Contentment

This weekend, your brother and cousins were running around the yard. You grabbed my hand for help and tried so hard to run after them. They made it back to us before you and I ever stepped off the porch, and in a blink they were gone again. You and I kept moving, slowly and steadily across the terrain that feels so uneven to you, an unevenness I can't even register. Somehow, this manicured lawn is bumpy enough to knock you down. You shout "Friends! Friends!" as they zoom past us, again and again, as we plod along at a snail's pace. I see your eyes light up when they come close and I watch you wishing to follow them, to run free like all the others. I say, without thinking, "Poor KayTar can't run and play like all the other kids." I don't mean anything by it, I just say it, like maybe I'd say "Poor BubTar can't find his missing Lego." But then I think, really, it must be hard to be the one left behind. The one who can't do or keep up. You don't mind, though, holding tightly to my hand as we walk a wide, slow circle before returning to the safety of the porch. Even though you aren't part of the games, you laugh hysterically as waves of absorbed excitement crash through you. You watch and smile, happy just to be.


25 comments:

Hetha said...

She has such a beautiful spirit Kyla. Like mother like daughter.

Mimi said...

aww. you two break my heart. you are lucky to have each other, each so full of spirit.

Julie Pippert said...

Bittersweet.

We should all have such a gift: the ability to know and accept our limitations and find and enjoy what we can do, what pleasures do come our way, even if it is just enjoying others' enjoyment.

(Thinking of you today!!)

Katie said...

I've shared that view with you my friend...as long as she has you, it will make sense to her.

InTheFastLane said...

What a sweet girl. May the contentment continue.

Christine said...

it must be very difficult at times to see kaytar unable to do certain things. yet, it is clear from your writings here, that she has some very special gifts of her very own.

Running on empty

Becca said...

Sweet girl! It must be so heartbreaking to watch sometimes.

flutter said...

That mind of hers. In there she runs free as ever.

Beck said...

Oh, my heart.

treesflowersbirds said...

Beck read my mind. Oh my heart. It has been quietly tugged. Hugs to you and that beautiful girl.

Christine said...

Aww, what a sweet, sweet girl. I just want to give her a big hug.

Chickenbells said...

This was such a beautiful post...I'm so happy you were there to share this with her, and witness her happiness even if she couldn't catch up...Her smiles just melt my heart!

Chaotic Joy said...

Oh can't we all learn something from Sweet Kaytar. The ability to find joy in the moments when it could be easy to dwell on what we are lacking. Beautiful Kaytar.

Lisa b said...

That photo is adorable.
I love what Julie said.

~aj~ said...

I'm also going to ditto Julie's comment. Such a beautiful picture!

Julie said...

Beautiful girl.

Mad said...

One of Kay-Tar's gifts is that she seems to have this deep capacity to accept life on her terms, no one else's.

slouching mom said...

this was a beautiful post, kyla. just beautiful.

and the photo, too.

(hey! just read your last post! that is so totally cool. hope it went swimmingly today.)

PJ said...

She's so beautiful. And you have given her a wonderful gift -- the ability to accept herself!

jen said...

grace, handed down.

nomotherearth said...

How beautiful she is, Kyla.

Family Adventure said...

KayTar reminds me a little bit of B boy...in the way she is able to take someone else's joy and make it her own. It is a beautiful trait. I hope she keeps it forever, even when she is able to run along at the speed of light.

Hugs to you - Heidi

Sarcasta-Mom said...

One of these days KayTar will out race them all. For now, she takes life at her own pace, and she's lucky she has such a wonderful, patient mom who can understand that, and share that with her.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Beautiful.

I'm so proud to be your friend.

Janet said...

I think the key is that you are by her side, holding her hand and letting her know what an amazing little girl she is.