I've received a few compliments on how well I'm handling our news. That is true to a point. I feel like I am two people. One Kyla is huddled in the corner rocking herself back and forth and the other one is telling her to shut the heck up because there is no time for that sort of behavior. She's the one in charge at the moment. I don't have time to mourn what might have been, or become paralyzed in fear over what might be. My job is to take care of Katie, to be strong enough to see her through this, to keep my family functioning like it should. My job is to make sure we have a nice vacation, because this might be the last one for a long while. As I write this, the scaredy cat in the corner says "It might be the last one with Katie." but this is why she isn't allowed to talk.
I don't know what these lesions mean, I don't know why they are there or how we are going to have to handle them. Some people (not doctors) are mentioning brain surgery, which makes the scaredy cat start climbing the walls. "The thought of someone opening up my baby's brain is too much." is what she says as she rocks herself. The doctors haven't given me projected courses of action, and now is not the time to worry about those possibilities...there is no room for needless worying. I know at some point, things will be too much and emotions will come out, but for as long as I can maintain, I have to try. I don't want anyone thinking I am cold towards what is happening, but I just can't allow myself to lower the walls right now. We are at a pivotal point and we all need to stay strong...I have a feeling there is a long road ahead of us.