If you...

If you don't sleep all night, the baby will wake prematurely.

If the baby wakes prematurely, you will have to have two cups of coffee.

If you have two cups of coffee, the baby will fall asleep as soon as it hits your blood stream.

If the baby falls asleep when it hits your bloodstream, it will be time to pick your son up from PreK.

If it is time to pick up your son up from PreK, your mom will come over to watch the baby.

If your mom comes over to watch the baby, she will clean the dishes for your husband.

If she cleans dishes for your husband, you will pick her up lunch on your way home to say thank you.

If you pick up her up lunch on the way home to say thank you, she will have already eaten.

If she has already eaten, she will take the food with her and go home.

If she takes the food with her and goes home, the phone will ring.

If the phone rings, it will be the speech therapist.

If it is the speech therapist, she will ask to come early.

If she comes early, your son will be unable to control himself.

If your son is unable to control himself, you will ask him to lie in bed quietly.

If you ask him to lie in bed quietly, he will cry and cry.

If you hear him cry and cry, you will make him laugh with silliness and fetch his favorite book for him.

If you make him laugh with silliness and fetch his favorite book for him, he will snuggle in happily.

If he snuggles in happily, he will become quiet as a mouse.

If he becomes quiet as a mouse, you will check on him after therapy.

If you check on him after therapy, he will be sound asleep.

If he is sound asleep, you will want to take a nap.

If you want to take a nap, the baby will be wide awake.

If the baby is awake, you will drink 2 cups of coffee.

And repeat.