tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post2356046252522424619..comments2023-09-04T11:20:08.804-05:00Comments on Life with the 'Tars: Feelings, nothing more than feelings.Kylahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03311014761113076785noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-81163624293319915602008-02-04T18:13:00.000-06:002008-02-04T18:13:00.000-06:00I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. I ha...I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. I have to ditto word-for-word what Kristin said. You are hilarious! I love how you write Kaytar's speech. Thank you for sharing your angels with us and I hope something works out soon for Bub and Kay.<BR/>God bless!Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14395850914692471354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-80113592117856851902008-02-04T15:49:00.000-06:002008-02-04T15:49:00.000-06:00As I understand and recall, two is an unusual age ...As I understand and recall, two is an unusual age to have real understanding of others' emotions. They tend to still be self-centered in the pure meaning of only knowing about themselves. It's also why sometimes they react to another child's distress by getting upset or angry themselves - because any empathy they might have means mirroring the emotion themselves, and they get upset about feeling that upset. That's early emotional response, before they can start to both understand and separate. Later, they learn to understand that others have their own emotions and that they might have an impact on them. So yeah, it could be totally typical. <BR/><BR/>On thing that I have heard of being used to teach kids on the autistic spectrum about emotions is the Thomas videos. The situations are very social, the emotions typical of those encountered by children in social interactions, and the facial expressions very obvious. So watching it and talking about how that train might feel and why can help them start to understand and identify. (And similarly with other books, and so on, too, but Thomas is apparently used for it's clarity.) Just a thought.kittenpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-37514750505148359662008-02-04T10:10:00.000-06:002008-02-04T10:10:00.000-06:00this is a tough situation.all i can offer in the w...this is a tough situation.<BR/><BR/>all i can offer in the way of advice is to just keep doing what you are doing. <BR/><BR/>soon bubtar will understand a little better.<BR/><BR/><A HREF="http://runningonempty-christine.blogspot.com/" REL="nofollow">Running on empty</A>Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662448292809451387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-20957475540286852382008-02-03T11:43:00.000-06:002008-02-03T11:43:00.000-06:00well, damn. M and I have these sorts of arguments...well, damn. M and I have these sorts of arguments all by ourselves lately.Girlplustwohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07056576921114387218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-9865071611477368602008-02-03T08:15:00.000-06:002008-02-03T08:15:00.000-06:00Pie has some degree of emotional awareness - she w...Pie has some degree of emotional awareness - she will respond empathetically to characters in stories, for instance, or attempt to intervene on behalf of her brother if he's upset. (I don't really see those signs of emotional empathy in Bub, though he has a gentle temperament that prevents him from being really hurtful most of the time.) Despite her dawning empathy, Pie is also capable of quite mean behaviour (as I posted awhile ago). <BR/><BR/>Behaviourist approaches are quite limited when it comes to empathy and social awareness, I think. That doesn't mean we shouldn't use them - but there's no real way to codify the subtleties of body language and facial expression that can often lead to hurt feelings.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15957626443087438904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-50260227389886614542008-02-03T06:22:00.000-06:002008-02-03T06:22:00.000-06:00The Baby will walk right up to one of her siblings...The Baby will walk right up to one of her siblings and just smack them right in the face. <BR/>"Ha ha, you cwyin!" is then her response. I think I'm raising a baby alligator. So I don't know what the answer is at your place - The Baby has a lot of same-aged friends and some of them DO show the beginnings of compassion, while others are little thugs, like my gal. We do a lot of practice play with baby dolls, and I think that they're VERY important for teaching gentleness and compassion.Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-79207053766181667892008-02-02T23:45:00.000-06:002008-02-02T23:45:00.000-06:00oy. I think three is the age that kids start to g...oy. I think three is the age that kids start to get it, so maybe there is hope that KayTar will start to develop that. MQ still sometimes doesn't get it, and she's 5. Little kids just expect the world to revolve around them, and some take longer to learn empathy than others. I think, though, that you are right not to punish her for it, because I believe that she truly doesn't get it.painted maypolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06446625015003854710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-42989141329405742612008-02-02T20:06:00.000-06:002008-02-02T20:06:00.000-06:00Thanks everyone!! This is great information! The ...Thanks everyone!! This is great information! <BR/><BR/>The other issue that compounds how I can handle things is that KayTar cannot understand or participate in a conversation. So although I might try to explain things to her or start a dialogue of sorts between she and I or her and BubTar, she can't grasp it. This is one of her behavioral delays, she should be able to converse by this point. So I feel limited in handling this situation as well as a multitude of others, because we are stuck in the sort of discipline that you do with infants. You know, avoid temptation, redirect, remove from situation...that sort of discipline. Because she can't grasp the logic it takes to explain things to her (not that we don't try). <BR/><BR/>I really appreciate the input, keep it coming!Kylahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03311014761113076785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-749987876233010192008-02-02T19:56:00.000-06:002008-02-02T19:56:00.000-06:00I'm responding as if I were speaking to myself...I...I'm responding as if I were speaking to myself...I hope this doesn't come across as bossy or nosey or strongly offensive: <BR/>I am SO completely with Nicole from Arlington. I think at some point, KayTar will need some discipline (not negative...just discipline) because she is hurting her brother's feelings (I COMPLETELY understand your hestitation, though). BubTar would be disciplined if he was unkind to a friend that comes for a visit. BubTar is KayTar's only playmate at home, so she definitely needs to be taught what is hurtful to her brother, whether she completely understands or not. We use vocabulary with our children before they fully understand, etc, so I think the teaching part is okay before she fully grasps the emotional impact she has on others or their reaction to her actions. I love Nicole's suggestion about how to explain things. That would help KayTar and BubTar. BubTar might be able to get to the point where he can say, "KayTar, you've hurt my feelings. I'm going to my room for a few minutes until you can (be whatever, stop doing whatever, etc.). Do you do social stories with KayTar for other situations? She may not be old enough quite yet for those, but this is a fantastic start. We use social stories a lot in the classroom to teach a variety of appropriate responses, reactions, etc. Social stories also give students the background they need to rely on when they are in the actual situation. <BR/><BR/>You are a fantastic mother. I'm sorry that you are playing the role of referee. I completely, one hundred percent, support any decision you make. I so look up to you for parenting advice.nataliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10758393907259378213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-23383033770377124972008-02-02T17:09:00.000-06:002008-02-02T17:09:00.000-06:00I think you've gotten some good advice here. I thi...I think you've gotten some good advice here. I think no matter what when you have kids reasonably close together, you end up doing lots of coaching through conflict - to help both of them. Our scenario is that LP does experience empathy he just doesn't always have the impulse control to resist "temptation." He seems to know when he has crossed the line - or more importantly, not when he is about to cross it.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09390898429089863816noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-1191394024440647452008-02-02T15:00:00.000-06:002008-02-02T15:00:00.000-06:00It's normal for that age. I have a boy and girl w...It's normal for that age. I have a boy and girl with the same EQ / IQ situation as yours. Think personality differences, and those differences make them seem SO different developmentally. But they're fine, they're just who they are! Maybe K will just be the girl who takes no crap from nobody - even when they cry!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-36880276518625460022008-02-02T14:57:00.000-06:002008-02-02T14:57:00.000-06:00Ethan doesn't have it, but then again, Ethan isn't...Ethan doesn't have it, but then again, Ethan isn't neurotypical. I'll be interested to see what others say though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-30595951247196660582008-02-02T14:50:00.000-06:002008-02-02T14:50:00.000-06:00Jack Jack is 2 1/2 - he does seem to be aware of f...Jack Jack is 2 1/2 - he does seem to be aware of feelings. Yesterday at the dr. when he heard a baby crying he told me that we should go check on it. He tries to make others feel better if they look sad. BUT- Jack Jack and Dash are constantly bickering and they are 6 years apart. Jack Jack seems to delight in annoying his much older brother and I feel like a constant referee as well.InTheFastLanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09691830067979224059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-84806347237582780872008-02-02T14:42:00.000-06:002008-02-02T14:42:00.000-06:00Oh babe, I wish I knew what to say.Oh babe, I wish I knew what to say.flutterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11828689769747130419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-15315514642530691172008-02-02T14:23:00.000-06:002008-02-02T14:23:00.000-06:00Hmmmm...this is a tricky one. T. has always shown...Hmmmm...this is a tricky one. T. has always shown lots of emotional awareness and has been drawn to people's faces and expressions from a young age. L. HAS emotional awareness of others in an abstract way, but he is unable to act on it or articulate this. If he's talking, for instance, about a pet subject matter and T. falls off the kitchen chair and starts crying (as happened recently) L. will not miss a beat but keep on talking through her crying. Then he'll get upset with us because we have turned our attention to T. He has a hard time with empathy, in general and with interrupting what he's doing to act on other people's emotional needs. <BR/><BR/>He used to have a hard time telling us when he was angry or stressed or hurt, but this has gotten much better. He can say "this upsets me" or "I'm stressed out" but he often doesn't quite now how to fix that yet. He can't, though, turn that on someone else and say "T. is upset" or "T. is angry with me" and he doesn't seem able to find the fine line between degrees of emotional responses. For him it's either all anger or all frenetic excitement, and not much in-between.<BR/><BR/>We saw much of this in L. at a young age and while some was age-appropriate, we know now that much was not.Aliki2006https://www.blogger.com/profile/15763865834765963343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-47957186631624996302008-02-02T14:19:00.000-06:002008-02-02T14:19:00.000-06:00My fairy god daughter, Sophie, has pdd and has pla...My fairy god daughter, Sophie, has pdd and has placed onto the autistic spectrum. She currently is operating at about a 2 1/2-3 year old (she is 5 1/2)and has just now started to understand her affect on others. She started about a year ago understanding emotions in other people. We have simply reinforced behavior modification with her.amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02775497356720247278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-38280204216845186502008-02-02T13:18:00.000-06:002008-02-02T13:18:00.000-06:00ditto what Kristin said about the crickets, you go...ditto what Kristin said about the crickets, you got me on that one! I must say, since you've started back to school, I've noticed quite a difference in your style of writing, I like it =)<BR/><BR/>I think the fact that Kaytar can label her own feelings is certainly in your favor. If it is age appropriate, then perhaps she just hasn't branched out to others feelings yet. For us, Adriana can't really label her own feelings, much less others. I'd say she'll get to Bubtar's feelings one day.Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07682901624636941122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-11938304394125186452008-02-02T13:04:00.000-06:002008-02-02T13:04:00.000-06:00I have a very sensitive boy myself, although he is...I have a very sensitive boy myself, although he is 9 yrs old, much older than Bubtar, I don't think he really grasped how others felt until age 3+. I think its very age appropriate for Kaytar to not understand how Bubtar or anyone else may feel. One thing you may try is to have Kaytar there with you when your consoling Bubtar and have the feelings explained. For example:<BR/><BR/>You: "Bubtar I see you are crying. Kaytar do you see that Bubtar is crying?" "Why are you crying Bubtar?"<BR/><BR/>Bubtar: "Because Kaytar hurt my feelings."<BR/><BR/>You: "Bubtar, how does it make you feel when Kaytar hurts your feelings?"<BR/><BR/>Bubtar" ___ (insert feeling here. ie. Frusterated, sad, angry)<BR/><BR/>You: "What did Kaytar do to hurt your feelings?"<BR/><BR/>Bubtar: "_____ (fill in action here)<BR/><BR/>You: "Kaytar when you do _____ it hurts Bubtars feeling and makes hime feel ___" "Can you please say your sorry and give Bubtar a big hug."<BR/><BR/>It will take a while for her to grasp it but at least she will see how to resolve the issue and they will both learn how to communicate the issue at hand. <BR/><BR/>This is one of the ways that my oldest learned to talk things through with others in a positive way. Its a hard concept to master, even as adults how to share feelings and accept responsibility for ones actions. <BR/><BR/>Nicole from ArlingtonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-40854257584600153632008-02-02T13:00:00.000-06:002008-02-02T13:00:00.000-06:00Oh my gosh, I'm sorry but your script had me and J...Oh my gosh, I'm sorry but your script had me and Jason laughing so hard. "Cue crickets"!!! You crack me up, my friend. "Enter BubTar, stage right" Oh my gosh, soooooo great.<BR/><BR/>But at the same time, I'm sorry for all of this. And I'm not just saying I'm sorry, I understand that you have feelings. It's really tough to say, I know some of Easton's same-age friends definitely do not understand the feelings of others, but I feel like Easton does. I think rather highly of him most of the time though, LOL. <BR/><BR/>I'm not looking forward to this for myself one day, i can tell you that. I'm hoping someone has a magic answer for you. <BR/><BR/>Poor BubTar.Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06236801550420049457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33281653.post-68774874444197513732008-02-02T12:51:00.000-06:002008-02-02T12:51:00.000-06:00I onlyhave one and he's only two but my instinct i...I onlyhave one and he's only two but my instinct is that this is normal for someone Kay-Tar's age. I will be interested in reading others' responses..Don Mills Divahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03733674458423525738noreply@blogger.com